Sadly, the aforementioned Ichabbie ship was torpedoed in the Season 3 finale. Fans were deprived of the magical chemistry that the Tom Mison and Nicole Beharie pairing brought to what was once a quirky show. That show, Sleepy Hollow, was packed with more pop-culture significance than the TPTB realized.

I’ve parsed the statements issued in the immediate aftermath. They struck me as coy at the time. So many references to the death of Abbie Mills, but no clear-cut reference to Beharie

I pondered Abbie’s refrain: “There is always a way.” I stubbornly clung to the hope that the writers took #AbbieMillsDeservesBetter to heart and having written themselves into a corner, had a big surprise coming: Beharie will now be playing…. I stubbornly clung to the notion that the electoral college would fix things.

So with that in mind, I’ll address “Columbia” on the show that was formerly known as Sleepy Hollow with what are probably my final stream-of-consciousness ramblings on the series. Let’s go!

Mrs. TV Recaps: I’m mad, I’m just so mad. I’m going to watch this show in silence. I’m giving it the silent treatment.

Mr. TV Recaps: ‘k.

Mrs. TV Recaps: No, you think I can’t do it, but I can.

Mr. TV Recaps: As long as you don’t give me the silent treatment.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Do commercials count?

Mr. TV Recaps:  No.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Good. Do gestures count? I’m going to give this show the finger.

Mr. TV Recaps: I don’t know if that’s the most ergonomically correct position.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Fair enough. Did you just hear that?

Mr. TV Recaps: Hear what?

Mrs. TV Recaps: The announcer said:  “Stay tuned for Sleepy Hollow with Tom Mison.”

Mr. TV Recaps: ‘k.

Mrs. TV Recaps: And I wanted to hear “and Nicole Beharie.” They are just so good together. Even their Comic-con pictures were adorable. I hate this. I’m still talking.

Mr. TV Recaps: It’s okay.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Now begins the silence.

3 seconds later

In the “previously.” Abbie says:  “Crane never lose hope.” That could be a sign, right? You know on Angel, they killed a character and immediately brought her back as a different character.  This is what they could do (very lengthy idea). They would still have to deal with the mystical negro foolishness of the finale. I don’t know if they’d win back trust. They would have to give everyone a puppy. The only way is with puppies. Unless they’re allergic.

Mr. TV Recaps: (Eyes dart furiously around. as he looks for an exit.)

Mrs. TV Recaps: Okay, I’m watching. I’m silent now.

Mr. TV Recaps ‘k.

Mrs. TV Recaps:  So Ichabod said something about two weeks having passed. Is this two weeks after Abbie’s death? He should look damn-near suicidal.

Mr. TV Recaps: I know.

Mrs. TV Recaps: I swear to God, they better not play “Sympathy for the Devil.”

Mr. TV Recaps: Hon, they are going to play it. You know they are.

Mrs. TV Recaps: They better not.

Mr. TV Recaps: I hope not.

Mrs. TV Recaps: This intro, he is in a road with the line down the middle. Like is that supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts. My f-ckng cockles are NOT warm. This is some bullsh-t, right here. I mean if Nicole just wanted to leave, I get it. I totally get it, but that exit. But this … I’m talking. I’m silent again.

Mr. TV Recaps: It’s okay.

Mrs. TV Recaps: They better not play the song. I miss my Sleepy Sisters the most. We’d be watching together. I’m alone. I’m watching this alone.

Mr. TV Recaps: (Doesn’t point out that he’s in the room.)

Mrs. TV Recaps: New characters being funny. Ha-ha. She is not Abbie. I’m going to call her Non Abbie or Nabbie. Like I did with Crextra. Remember that? This whole show is Crextra. I miss Crextra.

Mr. TV Recaps: I know.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Nabbie said she doesn’t “like change.” Is that supposed to be a message? Is she trying to play audience surrogate?

Mr. TV Recaps: I don’t know.

Mrs. TV Recaps: She’s not coming back, is she?

Mr. TV Recaps: No.

Mrs. TV Recaps: I don’t mean Abbie, I mean Nicole. Wait, Lincoln’s head is missing. Is the Lincoln Memorial supposed to be some homage to the Horseman? It’s headless.

Mr. TV Recaps: I caught that.

Mrs. TV Recaps:  Okay, this Nabbie person showed up in her Nabbie pantsuit and Ichabod told her to shoot the monster. Like Abbie always did. Did you see that?

Mr. TV Recaps: Yes. I caught that. And they changed “Sympathy for the Devil” to “Superstition” but it was a weak cover.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Who was singing?

Mr. TV Recaps: I don’t know. I’m not going to get into it, but it wasn’t a good cover. I know they can’t afford Stevie but sheesh.

Mrs. TV Recaps: “My  name is “Ichabod Crane.” That used to be so cute, Wait, Nabbie’s partner just got killed in front of her and we have an Asian guy telling her not to talk about it because it could kill her career. Is he supposed to be  Andy Brooks. The other guy was Sheriff Corbin and this is Andy Brooks? Hey, why not steal french fries at a diner, Nabbie? This is insulting. Honest to God, why am I putting myself through this?

Nabbie: Blah, blah, blah. Let me say some things that are familiar to the original fans.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Hey, wouldn’t be funny if Abbie was Katrina?

Mr. TV Recaps: What?!?

Mrs. TV Recaps: I don’t mean Katrina Katrina. I mean if Ichabod had to spend all of his time looking for Nicole’s character.

Mr. TVRD: They’ve harkened back to so much stuff, they should do that. But they better do it quick.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Except Abbie would speak above a whisper.

Mr. TV Recaps: Hmmm.

Ichabod: I want to confront the people who killed your partner.

Mrs. TV Recaps:  I want to find the people who killed your partner. I like this villain, he’s cool. Oh, for crying out loud!

Mr. TV Recaps: What?

Mrs. TV Recaps: The phone thing. Crane’s on the phone leaving messages for “Miss Jenny.” Did you see that?!The Ichabodisms just break my heart. Wait, did you just hear that?! He said: “I, too, have left the confines of Sleepy Hollow …  and yet again, my eyes are open to a plain fact. I’m out of my element. But I remain hopeful. I have found new allies and though it is early…I have a good feeling. They may need to work on their trust issues.” I can parse the hell out of that sentence.  You know why I hate this show?

Mr. TV Recaps: Why?

Mrs. TV Recaps: Because it’s giving me hope. But maybe it’s false hope.

Some guy to Ichabod:  Sleepy Hollow, right. Big fan.

Mrs. Recaps: So was I.

Mr. TV Recap:  It’s over. The episode is over and you got through it.

Mrs. TV Recap: I don’t know if I can do it. Continue to watch. I’m Katrina, I’m in limbo.

Mr. TV Recaps:  We built this site around the show, it was the first show you recapped.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Maybe I’ll try to choke down the next couple of episodes. Maybe I’ll just wait until the season is over and binge. Maybe I’ll rewatch other seasons and recap them again with hindsight for my own amusement. That would be kind of funny, right? We can be a wiki.

Mr. TV Recaps: You know what?

Mrs. TV Recaps: What?

Mr. TV Recaps: Maybe you should just write all that. Just say what you think about your future with this show.

Mrs. TV Recaps: Okay.

The show formerly known as Sleepy  Hollow airs Fridays at 9/8c on Fox.

We love your clever and insightful thoughts. We don’t get to them right away, but we promise to get to them after Mrs. TV Recaps gets a firm grip on reality.

First Appearance: Aibileen Clark

Sometimes at TVRD we’ve completely ignored glossed over Sleepy Hollow plot details and concentrated on Ichabbie subtext. “Ragnarok,” the Season 3 finale is a fateful episode, so we’re going to break it down for you with a laser-sharp focus on the plot and what actually happened. No more skipping over anything and making up things. Pinky swear. It went like this:

Abbie: Okay, so here we are back in the catacombs. Whew, I sure hated being here in isolation for ten months.

Ichabod: It was ten months for you in catacomb’s dimension, but only a few weeks in our dimension and yet I fell apart. Rattling around in the home we share, touching your lingerie in a pervy manner.

Abbie: What?

Ichabod: I’m just saying that my character would fall apart without your character. That has been made obvious to the audience. I begged you to stay in Sleepy Hollow in the first episode when I started with that whole “our fates entwined” line. You are not my sidekick; you are my leading lady. The writers have been shipping us from the get-go. They wrote a heavy-handed scene in which I saw you somewhat scantily clad in the third episode–the third! We have an intense emotional bond, but we also have a physical attraction, so it’s essentially a romance. Don’t let them pretend that the fans just imagined all of this with a bunch of mumbo-jumbo interview quotes about the nature of the relationship. Whatever they say about emotional intimacy vs. physical intimacy goes out the window when there are amusing scenes in which I ogle your lingerie which happened twice this season. Remember all the times I got huffy with other male characters who showed an interest in you? Remember how I practically poked Daniel’s eye out with my flailing fingers when I met him. My eyebrow arch was at Code Red.

Abbie: I remember none of this. I seem incapable of acknowledging such things. We have to do something or other with Pandora’s box to help defeat the Hidden One. He’s a recently resurrected god who makes lots of threats but hasn’t measured up to Moloch when it comes to impact. He’s supposed to be the big bad, but is just cranky, and he’s mean to his wife, Pandora, so she has aligned herself with us to get rid of him.  Uh-oh, smoke came out of Pandora’s box and engulfed me. Whoopsie, I just fainted.

Ichabod: OMG! I will now lift you up and carry you in my arms.

Abbie: What’s that sound?

Ichabod: The Ichabbie shippers are swooning, and they are charmed by the height-differential porn. It looks like I’m carrying a doll. Enjoy it now, ladies.

Betsy Ross: I was supposed to be dead, but here I am in the catacombs. I have to go back to my 18th-century timeline, but first, I have something important to say: “Your heart belongs to Abigail Mills.”

Ichabod: What’s that sound?

Betsy: The Ichabbie shippers may be having heart attacks. (Turns to camera and breaks fourth wall.) If you are experiencing chest discomfort and shortness of breath, please seek medical help immediately. Spoiler: You’ll probably need some medical help by the end of the episode. This finale may cause upset stomach, irritability, trouble sleeping, abnormal dreams, confusion, restlessness, mood changes and aggression. Byeee!

Abbie: Let’s go. Did you have something to tell me, Crane?

The Audience: Say it, say it. Three little words. Come on; you can do this. Three words.

Ichabod: Something. About. Souls.

Quotable Ichabbie:

Ichabod and Abbie prepare to leave the catacombs via a mystical portal.

The Witnesses return to the archives. It goes like this:

Abbie: Hi.

Jenny: Hi. Joe’s dead. The Hidden One turned him into the Wendigo again, so he had to be put down in the previous episode.

Abbie: “Joe was our brother.”

The Side-eye Fairy: Okay, we’ll overlook the business about how Abbie was Joe’s babysitter despite the fact that according to Wikipedia, Nicole Beharie was born in 1986 and Zach Appelman was born in 1985, but Joe and Jenny were having sex sooooooooooo ixnay on the otherbray because that sounds like incestway.

Ezra Mills: Hi.

Abbie: Hi Dad. You just returned to my life, and you know all about the supernatural world and my mentor and father figure, the late Sheriff Corbin. Right now, I have to go deal with the Hidden One. It’s dangerous but don’t worry, you and I will have a big scene.

Agent Daniel Reynolds: Hi Abbie, thanks for stopping by the FBI office to look at the National Weather Center Doppler Radar images. Blah, blah. Something. Map. I don’t have anything else to do in this season finale.

Abbie: You are my ex-boyfriend, and we kissed recently. Right now, I have to go deal with the Hidden One. It’s dangerous but don’t worry, you and I will have a big scene.

Ichabod, Abbie, Jenny and Pandora attempt to defeat the Hidden One but it doesn’t work. Pandora’s box needs the soul of a Witness. It goes like this:

Abbie: Time to sacrifice myself again. I will recklessly plunge into the unknown. I guess I should have said more to my dad and Danny, who may or may not be my boyfriend now.

The Audience: Nope, you sacrifice yourself once a season. You stayed behind in Purgatory to help Crane save Katrina in Season 1. You time-traveled back to 1781 to save Crane from Katrina in Season 2. And this season, you jumped into Pandora’s magic tree to save Jenny and the world from the Hidden One. Ichabod says “Noooooooooooo!” and then he rescues you. He kept his vow to get you out of Purgatory. The Ichabod of 1781 helped you to return to this century, and Crane went to Home Depot and built an astral projection system so that he could save you from the catacombs.

Abbie: Byeee!

Ichabod: Noooooooooooo!

Jenny:  I just shot the Hidden One. “That was for Joe.”

The Audience: Ummmm, can we please focus on your sister right now, Jenny?

Pandora has absorbed her husband’s power, and she promises to be a benevolent goddess as long as everyone worships her, but she’s not bringing back Abbie because blah, blah plot. Ichabod returns to the archives to freak out. Abbie is in a dimension with nice lighting. It goes like this:

Me: Yay, Sheriff Corbin! I love Clancy Brown!

Sheriff Corbin: Hi Abbie. This is so cool. It’s like our first scene in the pilot. We’re talking about ice cream and pie.

Abbie: I made peace with my sister and Daniel Reynolds and my dad.

The Audience: “Made peace with?” Whaaaa? Where are we going with this? How is Daniel even so important that his character was brought on for closure? Abbie just met him at Quantico training, right? What kind of time frame are we using here? No offense to Agent Reynolds but come on.

Abbie: So, do I get to go to heaven now?

Sheriff Corbin: No. It’s obvious that you have a death wish because you keep doing things like this but let’s talk about how the phoenix rises from the ashes and it’s the same bird but it isn’t.

Me: I don’t like where this is going. Honey, would you come in here for a sec? What do you think of this scene?

Mr. TV  Recaps: It looks like an ending.

Me: I’m not enjoying this at all. I’m really not. I’m starting to shut down here.

Mr. TV Recaps: Okay, Hon. Good luck recapping! (Grabs dog, backs away slowly.)

Sheriff Corbin: “You’ve taken Crane as far as you can.” Oh, there’s my son Joe, he’s an angel, I guess. Byeeee!

The Audience: This church scene and gospel choir, what? This isn’t Abbie’s funeral, is it? Oh, hey, Pandora, you’re back in Little Miss Crazy Pants mode with the snazzy outfits and rambling. Normally, we’d enjoy your monkeyshines, but this is a bad time.

Ichabod: Hi Pandora, I’ve got the Headless Horseman’s skull now and you trapped his spirit in the box but now I’m summoning him or something.

The Audience: Whatever, man.

Pandora’s fighting the Horseman and tossing headstones and this is shot like a standard dimly lit Season 1 battle scene with a monster of the week. My beloved Pandora is apparently dying, but I’m not paying attention because this is an absolute mess.

Pandora: “Death wins in the end, it seems … even for a goddess.”

The Audience: Stop being cryptic. Are you referring to yourself, or Abbie? She’s our goddess; is she an actual goddess?

Pandora: “You love her, don’t you?”

The Audience: Yes! Stop fooling around now; there are only 13 minutes left in this episode.

Pandora: “She is your hope … your everything.”

The Audience: Yes, yes, yes! We know!

Pandora: “She’s dead. Dead and gone.”

Pandora’s box explodes. Ichabod has visions of Abbie: in one of them, Crane is behind bars with his rockstar Jesus hair and Abbie enters in her police uniform. It’s a callback to the first time Leftenant Doe Eyes met the damn sexy hobo.

Abbie: “We are eternal souls, Crane.”

Ichabod: “What does that mean?”

Abbie: “My job is done.”

Ichabod: “Where are we?”

Abbie: It’s “the waiting room between life and death.”

Ichabod: You mean like the U.K. version of Being Human? It’s on Netflix. In any case, the heroine was in the waiting room of Purgatory and she got saved by the hero. That show really knew how to navigate the Annie/Mitchell ship and make it canon. It’s too bad the hot actor left because viewers tuned out and the show went down the tubes. That better not be what’s happening now.

Abbie: “My journey isn’t over. And for a witness it never truly is. But… Abbie Mills has done what she’s supposed to do.”

Ichabod: Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?

Abbie: Let’s go have a scene on the front porch of our home. Remember how much Ichabbie shippers loved that scene? The one where you made the lovey-dovey face? “It’s time for a new beginning.”

Ichabod: “What is there for me in a world without you?”

The Audience: Cancellation?

Abbie: George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Betsy Ross and I were your mentors.

Ichabod: That makes no sense at all. How did you mentor me? I’m the one who guided you in the supernatural world. You guided me in the modern world and we worked together. These words coming out of your mouth are absurd. Stop talking crazy, Boo.

Abbie: “Our job was to carry you forward.” Let me put it in simpler terms.

Ichabod: I don’t understand.

Abbie: Have you ever heard of “the magical Negro,” Crane?

Ichabod: Why, no. What does that mean, Leftenant?

Abbie: It’s a trope in which a benevolent black character serves as the inspiration and guidance to help a white character reach full potential.

Ichabod: Really? Pardon my language, Leftenant, but that sounds like some f–ked up regressive bullsh-t. You are the heroine. You are an iconic character. You and I are an iconic pairing with historic pop culture value.

Abbie: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

Ichabod: What?

Abbie: Go watch The Help. “It’s not goodbye; it’s until we meet again.”

Ichabod: That had damn well be in Season 4. I love you.

Abbie: What?

Ichabod: Psych! Everyone else said it, so I guess I don’t have to. Here’s a dreamy kiss on your hand and a gallant bow. Too bad everyone is so busy hate-Tweeting, drinking and crying that it isn’t making much of an impact right now.

Jenny: Crane, wake up! You were knocked out. It sucks that my sister is dead. Welp, gotta go scatter Joe’s ashes. It’s so sad. An online article noted that “two central characters were killed off.”

Ichabod: Uh, no. Abbie is a primary character. We are co-leads, and the entire series is built around Ichabod and Abbie. Joe was a popular secondary character but we are not going to lump those two deaths together, okay? Girl, bye.

Crane visits his Leftenant’s headstone. It goes like this:

Ichabod:  Who put this thing up? Your name is Grace Abigail Mills. They left off the “Grace.” There’s something I always wanted to tell you. The audience has been waiting for it. Here it is.

Ezra: Hi. Blah, blah. Something. Plot. Men in Black. “There must always be two witnesses; when one dies their soul does not move on, it’s eternal.”

Ichabod: So what does that mean? Is this like Dr. Who? Hey, are you my helper now? Are you going to be magical? May I call you Bagger Vance?

Ezra: “The essence of a Witness’s soul finds someone from their extended bloodline and sparks a new Witness.”

Ichabod: Extended bloodline? That rules out David Tennant, I guess.

Ezra: “Find her before they do.”

The Audience: Find Nicole Beharie.

Ichabod swears to Abbie: “Wherever you are, whoever you are, I’ll find you.”

Let’s Zapruder the TVLine interview with Showrunner Clifton Campbell. When asked if this is the last we’ll see of Abbie, Campbell says:

The character of Abbie Mills makes the supreme sacrifice to save the world, and her character dies in the season finale, yes. To answer the second part of that question, she will not return to the show as Abbie Mills. There’s certainly the possibility, given our really good relationship with Nicole and how much she’s help build us these past three seasons, that reflections of her will be around and that the idea of her will be around is certainly something we’ve all talked about, but not as the character of Abbie Mills.

What are you, running for president? Don’t give us word salad, our feelings are raw!

When asked directly by TVLine: So is Nicole Beharie no longer on the show? Campbell’s response starts with: 

Nicole Beharie as Abbie Mills is no longer with the show. The character is dead.

Sigh. Beharie’s statement also leaves room for interpretation.

 “Sleepy Hollow has been an incredible experience in every way. I loved playing Abbie. It’s been such a gift to have taken this wild ride… Alas, ‘Abbie Mills has done all she was meant to do.’ I’m excited about what the show has in store for us next. I’m rooting for my co-stars and crew… they have been my inspiration, my teachers, family, my friends, over the last few seasons. I want to thank the fantastic producers, writers, and directors who have worked tirelessly to bring this show to life. I want to thank Fox for their faith and support. But, most of all, [I want to thank the] Sleepyheads for all of your love – what an honor. I will never be the same. Stay tuned.”

What does “in store for us” mean? Are we to “Stay tuned” for your return if Sleepy Hollow gets a fourth season, which it probably will?

When it comes to Beharie’s status on the show, I hope the writers echo what Ichabod said to Betsy Ross: “I’m telling the truth, I’m just not telling the whole truth.”

I’ll miss Abbie Mills and Ichabbie. I’ll miss engaging with all the smart and funny Abbie Mills and Ichabbie fans who are breaking up with the show. The Abbie and Ichabbie love is strong here so check back for more tributes. It’s been an honor amusing you. xo

We love the insightful and witty Sleepyhead opinions. Comments don’t appear right away but we’ll get to them.

Here we are, one episode left until the Season 3 finale and the season went way too fast. The recaps went way too slow. Thank you for your patience. Here are my pre-recap stream-of-consciousness ramblings on “Delaware.”

1. Look at Ichabod making cappuccino. Is it wrong to say I think he makes everything look sexy? Pour that hot milk, purrrrr. He’s good at this. If Ichabod ever wants to branch out from being a house husband he can go work at Starbucks.
2. We are all thinking about the time Abbie introduced Crane to cappuccino, right?
3. So, Crane going to keep flirting in Italian, I see. That’s new. I guess constantly name-dropping founding fathers wasn’t working on Abbie so he had to up his game with a romance language.
4. His face in the foam!
5. Oh God, that sounds so dirty.
6. To clarify, it was a design in the cappuccino foam. A cute little self-portrait.
7. And Abbie Mills brings home the bacon–literally and figuratively. Or bacon donuts which sound like the best thing ever.
8. Now Abbie is touching Ichabod’s face and I am freaking out. This better be for real and not a dream sequence.
9. Yes, it is to “for real.”
10. So this is what it takes for some face-touching, these two preparing to enter the catacombs, a desolate dimension where they face death or worse.
11. Pandora is my girl and I’m so glad she ditched the Hidden One and is helping out Team Witness. He may be a god, but he’s cranky and critical and not nice to Panora after all the trouble she went to so he could be resurrected. We need Pandora to join the good guys so she can stick around.
12. Oh, Daniel. Hi. I was all happy about Abbie getting kissed in the last episode but now I saw the cappuccino scene and I forgot all about you. Nothing personal.
13. Daniel is reminiscing about the time he and Abbie spent in Virginia Beach. I could swear they talked about North Carolina in another episode so now I have to spend time looking this up. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. One of you Sleepheads will remember.
14. Oh, Betsy Ross. I thought she was gone for good. Maybe I misinterpreted what Ichabod said last week. I thought we were done with Betsy flashbacks. Nothing personal.
15. Abbie crossing the Delaware with the flag is the cutest thing ever, right? This is the kind of moment where Sleepy Hollow rocks.
16. Uh-oh, Joe Corbin is the wendigo again? The Hidden One can just bring out the beast in Joe like that? Just to mess with Jenny? That’s just mean. I hate him so much. Plotting to destroy the world is one thing, but hurting Jenny’s boyfriend just for kicks is unacceptable.
17. This Ford Daniel’s driving is some obvious product placement. Good, we need this show to get lots of ad dollars. Now go visit Home Depot and stop at Red Lobster for the endless shrimp. Make it rain!
18. Abbie and Ichabod are talking about how they had imaginary conversations while they were apart. Be honest, when Ichabod told Abbie about having “many a rousing chats” with Abbie, you thought he said “arousing” and you know it.
19. This type of drifting off into shipper land is precisely why I don’t remember if Danny said they were at Virginia Beach. There’s too much glossing over details and focusing on shipping. From now on, I’ll pay close attention. No more ignoring the plot.
20. Something, something plot. Catacombs. Something. Blah, blah.
21. Oh, dear God, that’s Betsy Ross in the catacombs. She better not even think about being alive. There was something something plot about this a few minutes ago. That’s just her body or something. Swear to God, no coming back from the dead.
22. Okay, blah, blah. Something. It’s sad that the Betsy Ross who came back from the catacombs wasn’t the real one or something. Ichabod’s sad about this. Just give him some cappuccino and a hug and move on.
23. Wow! Ezra Mills just admitted to Jenny that that he knows all about the supernatural world  He knew August Corbin? This is juicy. No wonder he was so relaxed about his daughter’s boyfriend being a wendigo.
24. Damnit, Betsy isn’t really dead.
25. Sigh.
26. And now Hidden One is threatening my girl Pandora. He’s evil. He needs to die and stay dead. Really dead. That’s a passive-aggressive reference to Betsy.
27. Abbie’s side-eye indicates that she is also not happy to see Betsy.
28. Betsy is giving Abbie some side-eye too.
29. So Betsy s back and Joe is the wendigo and attacking Jenny and Ezra. Too much stress.
30. Jenny just had to shoot Joe?! I can’t. I can’t. No. No. No.
31. The Hidden One blah, blah, ending the world. Go ahead, do it. Betsy is alive and Joe is dead so whatever.
32. Betsy thinks it’s the 1700s?  She probably thinks Abbie’s a slave. That explains the look. No shade. Crane thought that too in the beginning. The 18th century be like….
33. This is the end of the episode? This is the cliffhanger?
34. It’s April Fool’s Day so everything aside from the cappuccino foreplay and Ezra Mills being a supernatural guy and Pandora being kind of good better be a prank. Betsy better be dead and Joe Corbin better be alive.
35. “For real.”

Sleepy Hollow airs Fridays at 8/7c on Fox.

Anyway, here are some of my thoughts about the show in general and how it has affected our loved ones and households.

We admit it, we know way more about Abbie and Ichabod than we’ll ever let on.  “What do you mean she is in that tree? WTF?”

We can’t always tell twistory from history. Benjamin Franklin really took air baths?

Dear #Sleepyheads, we’re Team #Ichabbie too. We want the writers to know that we’re about as tired of the teasing as you are.

We’re a bit amused by your frustration with the show. For even casual sports fans such as myself, it’s kind of nice to see you react the way we do to a penalty called against our favorite football team. Friggin’ Giants, man.

While we try to follow the plot, we are not always sure just what the heck is going on. We understood Headless, he made sense and he was a badass. But after that, it becomes a jumble of portals, monsters and mayhem.

It will be good having our partners’ undivided attention again on Friday nights. Oh, wait? You’re going to be in a chat? Rewatch parties? Oh, okay…

We’re deeply concerned. Honestly, if Fox doesn’t renew this thing, we think you’ll take up weird hobbies like taxidermy, making dog hats or creating emojis from dryer lint, and this is just plain no good for anyone.

So, I say, come on Fox, get it together and renew Sleepy Hollow.  Now!

It was a fun trip but I can assure you that looking at some Druid stone formations is not nearly as interesting as contemplating what goes on at Chez Ichabbie when the lights are turned down low. I mean big whoop, Pandora could get those stones in a circle before she even had her morning coffee. Is it wrong that when we saw a magpie and our guide recited the “One for Sorrow” nursery rhyme and all I could think about was Pandora’s scenes. 

Okay, it’s been a while and I have performance anxiety because I’m rusty but here goes:

1. No, The Hidden One, you do not get to talk that way to Pandora. She went to so much trouble to raise him from wherever he was and she gets nothing but verbal abuse. I seriously want Pandora to ask Ichabod for help with a quickie divorce. He can give do it using the shiv used to get rid of his first wife.
2. Mills family scene. I don’t trust Papa Mills, but I love that we’re getting to see some of the Mills sisters’ happier times. There are probably all kinds of continuity errors, but just go with it. Is that woman in the snapshot Aunjanue Ellis?
3. So now Ichabod meets Papa Mills and he’s thinking: “I wonder if I can ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage while I smell like fast-food chicken?” Do it.
4. Nicole Beharie is just so beautiful that it hurts my feelings. Serious girl crush.
5. I don’t know why Abbie’s mad at Daniel, though. She tried to tell him something about their relationship, they got interrupted by a text from Ichabod, and Daniel basically said ‘you can tell me later’ and she walked off in a bit of a huff. I hope Abbie isn’t thinking that Daniel needed to be more receptive or something because then I’ll have to revisit how Ichabod made her a romantic dinner and all of those little gestures that she blew off.
6. Okay, Betsy Ross, something, something plot. I’m surprised that she’s still on the show because she’s turned out to be such a minor character. It must take longer for Nikki Reed to sit in hair and makeup than to say her lines. No shade, just an observation.
7. Abbie and Ichabod have been taking an awful lot of road trips and it’s just so they can spend the night at B&Bs. They feed each other grapes and go antiquing and to wine tasting events and then they go back to their room and make the kind of mad passionate love you can’t show on network TV.
8. Daniel is all huffy about Ichabod’s presence. Watch it, Danny, Ichabod could poke an eye out with one of his fidgety, fluttery fingers. He has killed before and he’ll do it again.
9. So Abbie finally told Daniel about her secret with Ichabod; they are supernatural crime fighters. Did you see Ichabod’s face when he’s driving? He’s trying to figure out how he can have an “accident” in which he and Abbie get saved by airbags while Daniel ends up in a ravine.
10. Pandora has had just about enough of her jackass husband. It doesn’t matter if he’s a god, she’s going to take him down. Remember how much fun she had when she first got to town? Dressing up in cute outfits and singing to herself like Little Miss Crazypants.
11. Height-differential porn! I love towering Ichabod walking side-by-side with his petite Leftenant. Are there any other fellow fun-sized ladies in the audience who get a thrill from watching a tall guy with a short girl? Is there some sort of fan-fic devoted to that?
12. The only reason the show is taking so long with that steamy love scene is they need to figure out how to get them both in the same shot without resorting to some explicit premium cable positioning.
13. Betsy Ross, something, something. Oh, she’s leaving! Never to be seen again? Well, good luck to you, Miss Ross.
14. It was a budgetary decision. The producers needed to free up some money to film that elaborate Ichabbie wedding scene. It’s going to be like something out of Bollywood.
15. Look at Daniel and Abbie sitting all close. Is this the episode where she finally gets a kiss? I don’t want to get my hopes up.
16. Daniel: “Crane. he’s not normal, is he? Is he a ghost.” Us: No Daniel, Ichabod Crane is Abbie’s common-law husband and they plan to have a big church wedding, so don’t get too comfy.
17. A kiss. Finally! Finally! Abbie got a kiss! The beautiful leading lady has finally seen some lip action. It only took 47 episodes.
18. To recap: Abbie is no longer living out of her car, she has a home and the home has a spacious shed. She has a yuuuuuuge office. She may own a strip mall. She may even own a wash-and-fold franchise. Her family is getting some attention and she has finally been kissed.
19. Spoiler! Don’t read on if you don’t want to know what happens.
20. Okay, here’s what I know: Daniel and Ichabod fight over who gets to be with Abbie. Daniel tells Ichabod to “go home and get your shine box.” While Abbie is distracted, Ichabod creeps downstairs with a shiv made from a toothbrush and stabs his love rival repeatedly. He then carts Daniel’s body off to the Jersey landfill where he’s taken the bodies of all the other men who got close to Abbie: The undead Andy Brooks, Luke Morales, Nick Hawley, Orion the angel, photojournalist Calvin Riggs and even random extras who casually glanced in her direction. After some maneuvering with lye and a pick-ax, Crane turns to the camera, raises an eyebrow, breaks the fourth wall and says: “Game on.”

Full recap to come, I swear!

Sleepy Hollow airs Fridays at 8/7c on Fox.

Agent Grace Abigail Mills and Ichabod Crane are fighting their feelings for each other, the Hidden One, a cranky god who hates humanity and harbors a severe dislike for the Witnesses. The battle to defeat the Hidden One led to Abbie stranded in a desolate dimension. It was a different time zone: ten months in that dimension but just a few weeks in our reality. Abbie is secretly obsessed with a mysterious symbol and her head is not fully in the Witnessing game.

First Appearance: Dr. Leeds/Jersey Devil (Charles Aitken)
Sleepy Hollow continues to tease shippers with scenes of domesticity;  Jenny and Joe are apparently in the habit of visiting Chez Ichabbie for Sunday brunch.

Jenny and Crane have a hush-hush conversation about Abbie. They know something is amiss, they just don’t know that Abbie may be crazy now and she’s sneaking off to the shed, we never knew existed, to gaze at a huge reproduction on the wall or doodle in her journal. Crane voices the importance that they “remain cognizant of her needs.” That phrasing is loaded with subtext, is it not? What do you think? Am I reading too much into this? Tell me. I know, I think the word “turnip” is loaded with subtext and means they are in love.

Those needs include keeping Crane in the country but his citizenship application has been denied, he was too busy saving Abbie from a remote dimension to follow through. It’s unclear whether she knows about this snafu though.

Later on.  there’s a cute Joenny subplot. Jenny’s beat-up trailer is flooded and Joe impulsively surprises her with a shiny, new, deluxe top-op-the-line trailer. Jenny finds this presumptuous and chides her boyfriend so he has to sheepishly return the old one. His heart was in the heart place. Show of hands: would you have kept it?
The monster of the week is the Jersey Devil, an animalistic creature and one of the Hidden One’s minions. Flashback time: Doctor Leeds, one of Benjamin Franklin’s rivals, tried and failed to poach Crane. The brilliant but shady alchemist conducted unethical experiments which resulted in Leeds transforming himself into a combo platter of dangerous animals.

Quotable Ichabbie:

Dr. Leeds is an engaging villain. He’s witty and reminiscent of some of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s erudite baddies such as The Master. We’re skipping all that because there are significant developments for Team Witness. Since Dr. Leeds is cool, he’ll get his very own character bio when they’re updated during the season break. You’re welcome.

When Team Witness goes to investigate, there is some adorable height-difference porn as they walk together. They visit Leeds’ lair. It goes like this:

Abbie: Hmm, the item that is conveniently placed on this table features the same mysterious symbol that has been haunting me.
Ichabod: I’m trying to give some exposition here. What are you doing with that thing? If it belonged to Dr. Leeds, it’s evil.
Abbie: Okay, you pore over books and flail your fingers in the air and name-drop as you work yourself into every event that ever happened in the 18th century. I’m just going to stand around staring at this thing.
Ichabod: Am I not supposed to notice that you’ve been acting kind of squirrely lately?

Blah, blah, blah plot. The Hidden One was always a jerk. He was exiled to the catacombs. Pandora, a human, worshiped him and something something. Pandora is my girl, and I love it when she’s in Litte Miss Crazy Pants mode but fast-forward.

Leeds shows up to trash-talk Ichabod and fanboy over the Hiden One. He tries to kill Crane with his poisonous scorpion tail and then punches Abbie, sending her flying. It goes like this:

Crane: Nobody touches my boo. Was that guy flirting with you? I will kill him.
Abbie: I see that paralytic venom has incapacitated you so he’s getting away. Fortunately, this lab has enough hocus-pocus to remedy that. The potions and powders aren’t labeled properly and are spread out all over the place so this is improbable, but let’s just go with it.
Ichabod: Okay, I’ll talk you through creating an antidote. Thank goodness I know everything.
Abbie:  Whoopsy, I spilled it. There is that symbol again. I’ll leave you hanging so I can stare at it some more.
Ichabod: Um.
Abbie: (Silence)
Ichabod: Abbie?
The Audience: He called her Abbie! Swoon!
Abbie: Okay, I’ve snapped out of it. I’ll whip up another batch and cradle you in my arms. I’m still going to grab that doodad with the symbol while I’m holding you. I will put my face so close to you that it will look like I’m kissing your forehead.
Ichabod: I’ve probably recovered already but I love this cuddling so I’ll milk it for a little while. We can spoon too if you’d like. Just putting it out there.

So Crane knows this thingamajig Abbie is clutching is a problem but she explains that when she saw it on the temple wall in the catacombs, it gave her peace. I guess it’s like a comforting religious symbol for Abbie but is is the second consecutive time that she nearly let Crane die. Obviously, they kill the Jersey Devil, but not before he helps the Hidden One with something something plot hourglass.

Chez Witness, Abbie and Ichabbie have a heart-to-heart. She realizes the symbol has way too much power over her and tearfully asks for Crane’s help. Agent Mills has mostly kept her feelings bottled up since the pilot. Nobody wants to see Abbie damseling about, but in my opinion, the “strong black woman” trope is just is bad. This character development allows Abbie the freedom of vulnerability and it also gives Crane a chance to flex his romantic hero muscle. This is a big effin’ deal. “Turnip.”

Cliffhanger: The Hidden One’s power is getting stronger and “The new world begins now.” Gulp.

Sleepy Hollow airs Fridays at 8/7c on Fox.

FBI Agent Grace Abigail Mills spent ten months in a desolate dimension. Back in Sleepy Hollow only a few weeks had passed and Abbie’s husband, totally platonic buddy, Ichabod Crane, was determined to bring her back to their love nest, Chez Mills. He succeeded but Abbie is still dealing with the aftermath of her ordeal and is haunted by a mysterious symbol. Let’s go!

First Appearance: The Ghoul (Alexander Ward), Young August Corbin (Morgan Ayers)

Ichabod: Welcome home, Honey. While you were at work, I made this romantic Italian dinner with wine, candles and flowers. A couple of episodes ago, I didn’t know how to cook frozen lasagna but forget about all that. Surely, I’ve made my feelings clear. We are not totally platonic buddies. You see that, right?

Abbie: “I don’t need to be pampered, Crane.”

The Audience: What? You do need pampering! Shut up, Abbie. Just sit down and enjoy this elaborate dinner.

Abbie: I think I’ll go off by myself to the shooting range.

Ichabod and the Audience: Sigh.

Apparently, Abbie now keeps a journal as therapy to cope with her time stranded in that other realm. She claims it’s a boring read, which it probably is since she’d rather spend time by herself at the shooting range then at home being pampered but let’s just pretend that she practices writing her name as “Mrs. Ichabod Crane” and doodles hearts. Crane probably sneaks peeks at it so that he can see if she mentioned anything about him.

Ezra, Abbie and Jenny’s dad, has some explaining to do, so he meets with Jenny at a diner. Ezra admits that he couldn’t deal with her mother’s illness and took off, drank too much and then joined the navy for medical benefits. Okay, so Ezra served three consecutive tours and got himself together, are we to assume that he didn’t find out that his wife had died and his daughters were in foster care? What about those medical benefits? He just wants to let his daughters know none of this was their fault. Of course it wasn’t. What took Ezra so long to get in touch with them? Papa Mills is shady.

At the FBI gun range, Agent Daniel Reynolds just happens to be there at 8 o’clock at night when Abbie shows up. Yeah, right. He wants to move past that blow up they had over the Atticus Nevins case before Abbie quit. Presumably, they would have hashed this out when Abbie returned to the bureau, but Danny probably wants to kiss and make up. Watch it, Daniel. Crane will kill you and make it look like an accident. Daniel suggests going to the pancake house but Agent Doe Eyes declines. That’s good. If she went to the pancake house instead of having dinner at home with that damn sexy hobo, there would have been some furious Tweeting.

Remember how it looked like Pandora killed Nevins? She didn’t. He’s still around, but all beat up and claims to be in fear for his life. He contacts Abbie and she hauls him into the hexed monster-proof cell where he is interrogated by Jenny and Joe while Abbie and Ichabod watch. Nevins, who looks like he was attacked by an animal, supposedly has important info about this beastly creature, The Ghoul. If Team Witness accepts his help, he wants assistance crossing the border. Nevins is not talking fast enough so Crane steps in and tempts Nevins with tasty food. Unlike some people we can think of, Nevins doesn’t reject the dinner. They need some of Sheriff Corbin’s files, so Nevins is transferred to the archives.

I don’t care about this monster of the week case. Blah, blah, blah, plot. The only thing worthy of mention is that there is a Sheriff Corbin connection. Let’s just cut to the chase so we can get back to relationships.

• When they serving in Iraq August Corbin helped Nevins escape the creature and this was Corbin’s first brush with the supernatural, which prompted his quest against evil.
• Nevins claims that he can get the info they need by investigating Corbin’s files. Unfortunately, it’s not one of Corbin’s audio files so we don’t get to hear Clancy Brown’s rich voice.
• Blah, blah, scarab.
• Felonious Randall Martin, Jenny’s occasional punching bag, gets caught up in the blah, blah and gets killed by the blah, blah. That’s too bad because Randall was an enjoyable recurring baddie.
• Nevins was in charge of the ghoul all along. Or something. He takes Corbin’s files.
• Zzzzzzz.
• Despite Nevins’ insinuations to the contrary in an earlier episode, Nevins admits that Corbin was always one of the good guys.
• Nevins gets away with the important files.

That symbol that Abbie saw is still bedeviling her, she envisions it while she’s in an FBI meeting. During the inevitable battle with The Ghoul, Abbie waves her gun in the air but is slow to start shooting when the monster attacks Crane. It goes like this:

Ichabod: Hey, Leftenant, maybe you should shoot this thing like you shoot everything else.

Abbie: Not now, I’m having a flashback about the symbol and the catacombs. Maybe this symbol is controlling me or something.

Ichabod: Uh, Leftenant?

Abbie: Whoops, I was distracted. Bang bang, you’re dead Ghoul.

Ichabod: Whew! I’m going to gaze at you in a manner that implies I’m freaked out by what just happened

Abbie: I’ll do the same.

Abbie does go to see Papa Mills. It goes like this:

Abbie: Hi.

Ezra: Hi.

Abbie: Were there any signs that Mom was crazy?

The Audience: Yes, she shoved away romantic dinners.

Ezra: She started having hallucinations, but then she’d be fine. It was confusing. She pushed me away and I thought maybe she’d be better off without me. I left my two young daughters with a possibly crazy lady.

Abbie: Maybe all the Mills women end up “crazy and alone.”

The Audience: Except for Grace Dixon. And Jenny is cuddling up with Joe Corbin right now so knock it off, go home to Crane, who is obviously in love with you. Gah!

Daniel is still up to something. He has a cryptic phone conversation with the FBI Director who alludes to Abbie’s mental state but Danny defends her. The director also instructs Reynolds to downgrade the search for Nevins. After the conversation, we find out that Nevins was working with the director. Nevins hands over Corbin’s files which show the coordinates for the “nine sacred sites.” Crime doesn’t pay, the FBI director shoots Nevins.

At home, master chef Crane can’t make a decent sandwich for himself.

Quotable Ichabbie:

Abbie says she’ll make sandwiches. Yes, Abbie. Do that, it’s much better than a lavish dinner. Abbie admits that she’s having a hard time.  Determined to up the swoon factor, Crane says: “Just as you were by my side when I returned to Sleepy Hollow, so I shall be by yours.” Abbie wants a beer and tells Crane to go ahead to Mabie’s Tavern where Jenny bartends. Abbie says she’ll “pay for the next round.” Does that mean, the damn sexy hobo will buy a round? Do we know where his money comes from? Did I miss that scene? No matter, we find out that Abbie has a huge backyard shed. If it was cleaned up, Crane could sleep out there, but if course he doesn’t because then it would be harder for the two of them to unresolved sexual tension all over each other.

Cliffhanger:  Apparently, Abbie recreated a huge image of the symbol on the wall. And that journal is filled with crazy doodles of the symbol. She then positions her arms over her chest in a way that resembles the symbol and says: “You saved me. I’m yours.” Gulp.

Sleepy Hollow airs Fridays at 8/7c on Fox.

Yay, Sleepy Hollow Friday! I had dinner plans last night so I couldn’t watch live with my Sleepy Sisters and I started writing this at 3 a.m. One of my best friends took me out for a belated birthday celebration at this amazing restaurant owned by a celebrity chef. (By the way, my friend and Mr. TV Recaps mocked me a little bit with comments like, “Wow, how nice of you to miss Sleepy Hollow.”) My friend and I split seafood crepes and broccoli salad with candied pecans and sliced pears; my entrée was a Long Island duck breast. It was a lovely evening. Sometimes the people in your life just want to show their love with a grand gesture. And you accept their thoughtfulness and they are happy and you are happy and everyone is happy. By everyone, I mean Team Ichabbie!  If you’re Grace Abigail Mills you don’t do that and then— even though we love you— we might have to throw a little shade. Gah! Here are my pre-recap stream-of-consciousness ramblings.

1. Look at this “previously on” segment. Damn, there are a lot of black men on this show now. Agent Daniel Reynolds, Randall Martin, The Hidden One, Ezra Mills. It’s like the Million Man March stopped in Sleepy Hollow.
2. Speaking of, The Hidden One is such a jackass to my beloved Pandora. All he does is freaking complain about his “hunger.” Pack a snack next time: Some trail mix, string cheese, a mini box of raisins, Slim Jim or beef jerky, mandarin oranges, some Wasabi peas, a protein bar. How hard is that? Pandora can find another brother in Swirltown, USA. She doesn’t need to listen to this kvetching. Little Miss Crazy Pants got up to a lot of monkeyshines to resurrect him and he’s just insufferable.
3. Ooh, Ichabod knows his way around the kitchen now. That damn sexy hobo has been sitting around watching Barefoot Contessa so he could impress his new wife. Opera, wine, flowers, candles. Swoon. This is a huge moment. It’s yuuuuge! The “better off as friends” contingent can take a seat now.
4. Abbie says she doesn’t need to be pampered. Shut up, Abbie. You do need to be pampered. What is the matter with you? Hanging out drinking beer is fine, but you are not Crane’s bro, just sit your ass down and drink the wine and enjoy the dinner. He is speaking Italian, it’s a romantic language. Sheesh.
5. Actually, last week when they were drinking beer, I was trying to remember if we have ever seen Abbie drink wine. The ladies in my social circle  are winos, wine enthusiasts. We see Abbie with beer and she enjoys the hard stuff once in a while.
6. I mean hard liquor. Get your mind out of the gutter, pervs.
7. Aww, Ichabod and Abbie have plans to see a movie with Joe and Jenny. That’s a double date!
8. When Crane describes E.T. as a movie about “a diminutive being stranded far from home,” it sounds like an inside joke about petite Abbie in that other dimension.
9. Seriously, though, its highly improbable that Jenny or Joe would sit through E.T. No way. Perhaps they have to go with family films so Crane won’t be scandalized. Can you imagine taking Crane to see Last Tango in Paris? 
10. Oh, so instead of this dinner, Abbie would rather go to the shooting range by herself. I can’t with Abbie right now; you talk to her.
11. Pandora and the Hidden One, Abbie and Ichabod, Jenny and Joe—this show must drive some folks crazy. There have been suspect “fans” in the past. Were they a little racist?  Let’s ask Francis Urqhart.
12. Oh, Daniel is at the shooting range. Is this a date? No, they both just happen to be there. Or so he says. He wants a relationship again. Love triangle? If he can get Abbie to go on a date, more power to him.
13. So Pandora didn’t kill Atticus Nevins, after all. Good. Sleepy Hollow has really gotten on board with the worldbuilding. They’re not just writing out potentially interesting characters willy-nilly anymore.
14. Okay, Nevins is talking about his backstory and Sheriff Corbin. We need a Clancy Brown flashback. I don’t care if a 57-year-old man is playing himself as a 20-year-old. I’d suspend disbelief for Clancy Brown. Who’s with me?
15. It’s remarkable that Sheriff Corbin is still such a presence on the show. We had him for less than 15 minutes in the pilot and then there were a few flashbacks here and there and the voice recordings, yet he remains an important character. Can Corbin have a twin or something?
16. Uh-oh, Abbie sees that symbol from the catacombs again. She’s losing it. This is exciting. Nicole Beharie gets to show off her range in a way we don’t always get to see because Abbie is deadpan. Without naming names, Tom Mison and Nicole Beharie can run circles around actors on some other series with astronomical ratings.
17. Something something plot. I should pay attention to whatever is happening with Nevins and this monster. I’ll do that on the re-watch for the recap. Right now, I can only think about how Abbie should be eating the freaking dinner Crane prepared and letting him take care of her.
18. Wait, Randall is dead?!  This creepy monster just killed him. Damnit show, We just gave you props for keeping characters around.
19. Sorry Pandora, your dating pool just got smaller. Well, you still have options.
20. Rosewood commercial with Morris Chestnut. Is that Taye Diggs? He’s on Rosewood, too? See, Pandora? You can do a crossover!
21. So we get an Abbie scene with her dad, Ezra! She’s afraid that she’ll unravel like her mom. The writers are mining the Mills family history, bravo! They get a gold star.
22. Welp, poor Ichabod is home alone eating a pitiful sandwich now. Abbie says she’ll make some more and told him to: “give me a hand.”
23. Yes, that’s what we’ve been saying, Abbie. Sigh.
24. She wants beer and wings. Okay, Abs. Have it your way.
25. It’s not like she lives her life as a dudette. You’ve seen Abbie’s home, it’s tastefully appointed. She’s not sitting around on milk crates having belching contests. And, of course, she offers to pay for a round of drinks. Why can’t she let someone else take care of her once in a while? She needs a shrink. Just drop her off at Tarrytown Psychiatric for some out-patient therapy.
26. Please weigh in, Sleepyheads. You can share dissenting views here. Tell me if I’m wrong. And yes, I know it’s a show. I’m not mad at the writers, I’m mad at a fictional character, which means Abbie isn’t the only one who needs therapy.
27. OMG, Abbie has a storage shed where she keeps her secret whatever it is! Heh. Last season, we thought she was sleeping out of her car, now the writers have given her all kinds of real estate. Next week, we’ll find out Abbie owns an apartment building, parking garage and strip mall. She’s Rich Uncle Pennybags all of a sudden. 
28. Poor Crane, he probably stopped at the Romance Depot and bought scented oils for a sensual massage. Crane loves to flail his hands about and he’s got twitchy fingers. Let’s see him put them to use on Abbie’s neck and shoulders. He can give her what she kneads…

You can expect more ranting and raving in the recap. We love your insights so please share. Comments don’t appear right away but we promise we’ll get to them.

Sleepy Hollow airs Fridays at 8/7c on Fox.

Agent Grace Abigail Mills disappeared to a dimension in another time zone. In our world, she was gone for a month but for Abbie time passed more slowly and she spent ten months in isolation. Ichabod Crane found her via astral projection and they both made it back to Sleepy Hollow. As far as her ex-boyfriend, Agent Daniel Reynolds, knows, Agent Mills tendered her resignation and left town for a while. Let’s go!

First Appearance: Kindress aka Bride of Kindred (Kelly Bellini), Krissy (Heighlen Boyd) and Doug Frank (Zechariah Pierce)

There’s a couple in a car. It’s their first date. Oh, so even extras kiss and make out on this show… Wait a minute, this is a rapey date. You know who does not like forced sexual encounters? The Kindred, that’s who. The creature that Ichabbie unwisely raised in a failed attempt to defeat the Headless Horseman is back, baby! The Kindred smashes the car window and drags out the creep. It goes like this:

Female Extra: Whew, I really lucked out. What kind of fiend takes a woman to a remote area under a bridge and gets rapey? Thank goodness some other man is in this remote area and just walked up and smashed the car window and dragged this would-be rapist out and then started beating him and growling. He seems nice. Let me get out of the relative safety of this car and talk to him. Hi, hulking growling stranger. Sorry to bother you while you are apparently killing my date, but “You saved my life.”

The Audience: Ummm.

The Kindred: Growl.

Female Extra: Gulp.

Of course, he kills her. Why couldn’t she just stay in the car until she knew what was going on? That extra exhibited some poor judgment. Oh, well, fare thee well stupid extra. Moving on.

Crane is in bed and apparently wears a nightshirt. One of you told me that his knees are visible, but I still didn’t catch it and Mr. TV Recaps saw me with my nose pressed up to the TV and made that judge-y face he likes to make. This is a Zapruder film moment, let’s analyze.

• Ichabod sleeps with the door ajar, why? I’ll tell you why: It’s because he likes to peep on his Leftenant and he is extending an open invitation.
• Crane’s room is on the ground floor, Abbie sleeps upstairs. These two can’t sleep on the same floor, it would lead to you-know-what and they both know it.
• That damn sexy hobo struts around in front of Abbie in a robe. A robe! You know how he is, that’s akin to sweeping the chess set to the floor and ravishing her right there. Crane could sleep in pajama bottoms or put on his trousers before leaving his room but he doesn’t.  J’accuse!

Abbie is still coping with her ten months alone in another dimension. This is good. I was hoping there would be some after-effects. She’s playing chess by herself, which is what she did when she was trapped in that other world. Abbie still doesn’t want to talk about it but she acknowledges again that she thought about Crane all the time, Ichabod was her “Wilson.” Does Crane get the reference? Did they watch Cast Away on one of their Netflix and Chill nights? Hopefully one day, they’ll learn that Netflix and Chill is now a euphemism. It turns out that in the month she was gone, Crane killed her houseplants Watering them with his tears didn’t work.

Quotable Ichabbie:

Ichabod let Abbie’s houseplants die, so he replaces them with low-maintenance cacti, which are harder to kill.

The damn sexy hobo goes to the nursery to buy new plants and runs into that extra trying to ship herself with Crane. It was just a matter of time until that one popped up again. She hasn’t heard from him in over a fortnight. Good, get the hint and move on, sister. We all hate you. Crane calls her “Miss Corinth” and she says: “Zoe, call me Zoe like a normal human being.” Hee! What would she think of our nickname, Crextra? During this conversation, she accuses him of ghosting and he says: “They always seem to find their way into my path.” Just wondering if that was some reference that Crextra is otherworldly but by the end of the episode, it doesn’t seem to amount to anything.

Agent Daniel Reynolds summons Abbie to the scene of the double homicide despite the fact that she resigned. Agent Mills is not pleased to learn that Danny never filed her resignation. What’s important is that Abbie can tell from the clues the culprit is the Kindred. He’s targeting couples. The Kindred is a serial killer with sexual issues now? Does he have three names? He should. Let’s call him: Wayne Gacey Kindred.

The Kindred is back in town because it was summoned by Pandora so that her chocolate god, The Hidden One, can have a minion but the Kindred has his own agenda. Betsy Ross flashback. Something something plot. Betsy didn’t care for Crane when they first met. This looks suspiciously like the trope about the beautiful woman who impresses the hero with her feisty independence before they give in to their feelings. Does anyone out there want to know more about the Betsy/Crane backstory? The bottom line is that Ben Franklin created a lady for the Kindred but they never got to be together and the Kindred is lonely.

Crextra is also lonely, so she tracks down Ichabod at the archives. It goes like this:

Crextra: Why don’t you like me?

Crane: Other than history, we don’t have much in common. I have other interests.

Crextra: Like what?

Crane: Like ball games, yoga, karaoke, chess.

Crextra: I could like those things.

Crane: Can you be a tiny black chick with doe eyes, who barely comes up to my chest?

Crextra: “Do you have a wife?”

The Audience: Yes! Her name is Grace Abigail Mills. Why are you still here? Go away! Gah!

The Kindred: I’ll do you everybody a solid and kidnap Crextra for something something plot. Maybe I’ll kill her just like I killed those other extras.

The Audience: Thank you.

The Kindred and Ichabod battle, but Crane loses and Crextra gets carried off. Abbie figures out where The Kindred is. She says: “The carriage house. The Kindred has been there before, it’s where the Headless Horseman tried to keep his own bride.”

That is some shade. She didn’t even say Katrina’s name. They rescue Crextra, everything is fine. One criticism about this episode: It opened with an attempted rape scene and then we got a woman with the old-school bound and gagged business, it’s a bit cliché. In fairness, Abbie, Jenny Mills, Sophie and Betsy can handle themselves so it’s not like this is a show that relies on powerless women but it was annoying. In any case, the Kindred meets his Lady Kindress and kissing ensues. Yes, demonic creatures on this show are getting it on. Ichabbie shippers are being trolled. The scene is delightful. While Mr. and Mrs. Kindred are getting all lovey-dovey, Abbie, Ichabod, Jenny, Joe and Sophie are just standing around gobsmacked. After that’s over, Crane tries to make Crextra feel better by saying he cares about her and would be so lucky to have a woman like her but he’s not ready for a relationship. Crextra says: “Truthfully Ichabod, I think you are ready for someone. I just don’t think it’s me. And that’s okay.”

After that’s over, Crane tries to make Crextra feel better by saying he cares about her and would be so lucky to have a woman like her but he’s not ready for a relationship. Crextra says: “Truthfully Ichabod, I think you are ready for someone. I just don’t think it’s me. And that’s okay.”

See? Zoe is great and you guys have been so mean to her. Her real name is Zoe Corinth and she will eventually be memorialized with her own character bio when I get around to it. Try not to be so judge-y next time….

Danny visits Abbie and talks about why he fell in love with her.  He says that she made him a better man, but lately he hasn’t been behaving well and “Abbie Mills Deserves Better.” Question: How loud did you scream? Sleepy Hollow apparently noticed your hashtags. Abbie’s response: “You love me? You never said that before.” Hmm, is she letting down those emotional walls? Abbie agrees to return to the agency.

The Hidden One sees that the Kindred is departing Sleepy Hollow and has a tantrum. Love is a weakness blah, blah. He magically kills Mr. and Mrs. Kindred. The Hidden One is a jackass and Pandora looks like she’s over it. Good. Litte Miss Crazy Pants went to a lot of monkeyshines to resurrect him and he’s unappreciative.  Let’s hope she switches sides.

Cliffhanger: Abbie and Ichabod are hanging out drinking beer and playing chess and she cuts her finger while opening a bottle. Crane goes to get a bandage. Abbie distractedly traces her finger on the table and realizes she’s drawn a symbol in blood. It’s a symbol she saw while trapped in the catacombs. She looks freaked out and hides it from Ichabod. Ruh-roh!

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Sleepy Hollow airs Fridays at 8/9c on Fox.

Okay, loved this episode of Sleepy Hollow. Here are my pre-recap stream-of-consciousness ramblings.

1. In this opening, we’re watching extras make out. Just putting that out there. No need to drive the point home. You understand the subtext.
2. The subtext is that these extras are getting more play than certain main characters we can think of. Oh, and it’s a first date. Not everyone drags their feet when it comes to these things. Ahem.
3. You know what? This extra is creepy and rapey, so I’m walking that back. Sorry for jumping the gun there, Sleepy Hollow writers.
4. You know who doesn’t care for date rape? The Kindred. Yay! It’s The Kindred! He’s back! Too bad he’s not as restrained when it comes to killing extras.
5. Is Ichabod in a robe? Let’s assume he is. How informal. No need to drive the point home. You understand the subtext.
6. The subtext is that Crane and Abbie often walk about their love nest in a state of undress. She probably wears his pajama top and he just wears the pajama bottom on Sundays when they are sipping mimosas and enjoying the Belgian waffles that he makes for her.
7. Oh, it’s Crextra. You understand the subtext. Oooh, that was a frosty exchange. It would be nice to think that we never see her again, but we all know that’s not the case.
8. Abbie is still dealing with the effects of being in a remote otherworldly hellscape for ten months. Very good. She can’t just bounce back from that sort of thing. Ichabod disappeared for nine months or so after he shivved his first wife, so they have spent more time apart than they have together. She may not be enthused about returning to the FBI now, but she better go back to work. Being an agent was her dream. Is she sitting on a pile of cash? Who will pay for everything? Certainly not Ichabod. But the fact that he runs out and gets plants to please Abbie is adorable. He’s a house husband. Crane pulls his weight in other ways.
9. The Hidden One wants to know why Pandora is sad. Hmm, could it be that he’s always cranky and criticizes her? Now he says he loves her, well he better show it. Pandora is my girl.
10. So the chickens have come home to roost, the Witnesses have figured out that re-animating the Kindred back in Season 2 was a really bad idea. You think? And the whole thing was to rescue Crane’s trifling first wife.
11. Heh, Ichabod wants to know when Abbie learned to decipher Ben Franklin’s codes. When did he learn to ride a motorcycle? Where does he get the money for Hibachi? Did he sell his first wife’s necklace? We have questions, too.
12. The Kindred targets couples. What is that about? Ah, he’s jealous of romantic relationships. Yes, we all should have someone. Kindred. Please talk to Abbie.
13. Sigh, Crextra is still trying to get in touch with Crane. Ugh. So much for the hope that she’ll go away. FFS, girl. See Crane? This is what happens when you get entangled with random, clingy extras. She thinks he’s married.
14. YES. HE. HAS. A. WIFE. HER. NAME. IS. ABBIE. DON’T MAKE ME UPPERCASE!
15. Honestly.
16. If Crextra is so thirsty and the Kindred is lonely, he should get in touch with her. Swipe right.
17. Damn, this Crextra is still yammering on. Good. Serves Crane right. This is called erotomania. It’s a condition. It’s a actual psychological condition. I didn’t make that up.
18. Not that I would ever make anything up.
19. Maybe sometimes I make up recap details a teensy bit…
20. Oooh, the Kindred grabbed Crextra. “You follow, she dies.” Yasssssss. The Kindred is on our side.
21. Unleashing the Kindred was a bad idea. Dating Crextra was a bad idea. This episode is thematic.
22.  Now the Witnesses and the Scooby gang need to find where the Kindred took Crextra, and Abbie suggests the carriage house because: “It’s where the Headless Horseman tried to keep his bride.” Is Abbie talking about Katrina and can’t bring herself to say her name? If so, that is some epic shade.
23. It would be like refusing to name Crextra’s name and only referring to her by a nickname reserved for extras who ship themselves with Crane.
24. Kidnapping Crextra, putting his arms around Sophie’s neck. This is why the Kindred is alone. He doesn’t know how to woo the ladies.
25. Okay, so Benjamin Franklin made a Lady Kindred and now they are reunited. Gruesome creatures in Sleepy Hollow are making out. And this creature just got a kiss. Yes, even zombified creatures get some play in this town. I’m subtexting so hard right now.
26. Sophie told Daniel to “Tell her how important she is to you.” Yes, let’s all tell Abbie how we feel about her. All of us. Every single character on this show. Ahem.
27. Crane is doing the “it’s not you, it’s me.” This is a kind way to break up with Crextra. He really doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. He’s better at it than the latest Bachelor.
28. Crane thinks he’s not ready for a relationship, but Crextra thinks Crane is not ready for a relationship—with her. She thinks he’s ready for some other woman. Yes, Crextra ships Ichabbie.
29. I have always loved Zoe. Right from the beginning and she now gets her own character bio when I get around to it. If only you people hadn’t been so mean about her… Cough.
30. Daniel telling Agent Doe Eyes: “Abbie Mills deserves better!” Yasssss! You understand the subtext.
31. The subtext is the show telling you: “Please for the love of God, stop harassing us. We get it.”
32. Nicely played, Sleepyheads. Nicely played.

Full recap to come.

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Sleepy Hollow airs Fridays at 8/7c on Fox.