The Royals: Bad Reviews — The Fix is In
Brew a “cuppa” Earl’s Grey, grab a scone and get ready for the debut of The Royals, E!’s first scripted drama airs tonight at 10 p.m. The show looks trashy and absurd, in other words, I’m all in! The reviews have mostly been scathing. (I think the British press is just being touchy.) Here’s hoping that puts it in the “It’s so bad it’s good” category. If It’s just plain old bad, however, I’ve already graciously come up with ways to boost ratings.
- President Frank Underwood pays a visit to the Royal Family. He’s such a schemer, can’t you can see him trying to take the throne for himself? Yes, he’s American with no royal lineage, but I don’t see that sort of detail stopping him. And I suspect Elizabeth Hurley’s Queen Helena would get on quite well with the Lady Macbeth that is Claire Underwood.
- Bad boy Prince Liam ventures into a hip-hop career and is managed by Empire’s Cookie Lyon. Cookie’s audience with King Simon has to happen. She does have her own code of etiquette. Cookie has a weakness for security, if there are any hotties in the Palace Guard she might offer them to “Take these crumpets.”
- The Queen Mum, played by Joan Collins, accidentally on purpose murders someone and needs to cover it up. Olivia Pope to the rescue. That’s a bit of a mindbender because Olivia exists in a universe where Fitz, and not Frank Underwood, is the president, but let’s not get bogged down.
- Prince Harry appears in a cameo role. Let’s face it, he’s the only interesting real-life royal and we all know it.
- In an act of rebellion, Princess Eleanor flees to the U.S., meets up with Chris Harrison and pitches herself as The Bachelorette. There’s no better way to shame your family than appear on that mess of a show. She appears alongside Britt and Kaitlyn and the bachelors have to decide which one to keep. Spoiler: Eleanor wins.
You’re welcome, E!