11 Ways Sleepy Hollow’s Ichabod Is Better than The Bachelor
The new season of an absurd TV show airs tonight. It’s about some rando fame whore who juggles emotionally damaged women in a Hunger Games-style competition for his heart. I will not be watching that show. I will be watching “Sleepy Hollow” because it’s more fun to swoon over Ichabod Crane than to cringe at some reality show cheeseball. Here are some of the times “Tall, Dark and British,” kicked some “here-for-the-right-reasons” ass.
He Lets You Know What He’s Thinking: The ladies love Ichabod because he’s not afraid to be vulnerable. He says things like: “Surviving death, separated by time tests the bonds of love. But the moment I saw her, I knew the bravest love is born again with each new day. The kind of love that makes the mundane a marvel that bewilders with its magnificence. Until fate’s cruel hand intervened. And in the blink of an eye, Katrina was lost to me.” NorthStar employee Yolanda was moved to tears by his romantic words. None of those lunkheads on that other Monday night show can match that.
When You’re Facing Something Scary, He Has Your Back: Let’s say for the sake of argument that you were being hunted by a vengeance-seeking ghoul and the only way to save yourself was to strip down and subject yourself to scorpion venom so that you could enter a dream state and … oh, never mind. The point is that Ichabod’s the kind of guy who would peel off his shirt and help you out. He’d do his best not to make you feel uncomfortable about that sports bra.
This is His Cappuccino Face
He Doesn’t Make You Suffer Through a Humiliating Rose Ceremony: When Ichabod realized that Caroline wanted to do more than colonial re-enactments with him, he made it a point to go to her house for a very sweet let’s-be-friends talk. He also tried to be as gentle as possible with lovestruck Mary Wells. Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned that he viewed her as a sister, but at least he didn’t hem and haw about it.
He Doesn’t Need a “Hometown Date” to Spend Time With Your Family
He Puts Brains Over Brawn: Ichabod’s not going to just loaf around the pool all day flexing his muscles and making false promises. He reads, he’s multilingual and quite learned. What would you expect from an Oxford history professor?
That Said, Ichabod Will Kick Someone’s Ass if They Need It: It’s not in his nature to go all aggro for no reason, but you don’t want to get on his bad side.
He’s a Man of His Word: When Ichabod swears that he will come back to rescue you from Purgatory, he means it.
He Genuinely Cares About Your Interests: Maybe he’s not that into yoga or heckling at baseball games, but if that’s what turns you on, he’ll really make an effort.
Ichabod Knows When You Need A Comforting Hug: Let’s just say you were minding your own business at the library when an unhinged spirit pulled you into a watery portal. Crane would fight to get you out and then wrap his arms around you. CPR would be good, too, but a man can’t be expected to know everything.
Don’t Forget About This
Case Closed
