Sleepy Hollow: “The Golem” — December 12, 2013
Poor Ichabod Crane is still reeling from the bombshell that he had a son, which Mrs. Crane neglected to mention during all those otherworldly confabs. Seriously, instead of whispering, “There’s not much time,” all she had to say was, “We have a kid. Bye-eee!” The only reason Ichabod even knows he sired a child is because his future wife Abbie Mills found out. Now he has to get answers. Let’s go!
First Appearance: Jeremy Crane at 12 (Braden Fitzgerald 12 years old and Danny Rawley 17 years old), The Four Who Speak as One (Katrina Despain, Carrie Anne Hunt, Arin Logan, Rya Meyers) The Golem (Derek Mears), Reverend Boland (David Fonteno), Ms. Hudson (Kathleen York), Vendor (Judd Lormand), Woman (Karen Beyer)
Crane vents his frustrations by chopping wood. It’s virile and all, but whose tree is he chopping down? The damn sexy hobo is already squatting at Corbin’s cabin, he better not be cutting down the man’s trees, too. Rude. Crane has summoned Sin Eater, Henry Parrish to help him reach Katrina. Henry reluctantly consents but warns that it is dangerous. Henry tells Abbie that this is so frightening, she might want to exit. Henry doesn’t know that Lieutenant Grace Abigail Mills is afraid of nothing—except for haunted houses and committed romantic relationships.
Ichabod is transported to a church in Purgatory, where Katrina is lighting a candle. It goes like this:
Katrina: Uh-oh, what are you doing here? Moloch hates uninvited guests. He didn’t have time to dust or anything.
Crane: Forget the chitchat, tell me about that secret baby thing.
Katrina: Well, I didn’t know I was pregnant when I buried you and then when we had all those mystical chats, I was too busy being vague about how to get me out of this place. My coven was pissed because my spell to save your life upset the natural order so I skedaddled in a puff of smoke, which is the only impressive thing I’m going to do until Season 3. Anyhoo, I gave birth to Jeremy in secret at Fredericks manor. Grace Dixon delivered him and I gave her the baby to raise so he wouldn’t have to live on the lam. Sorry. I made him a really gruesome action figure to take care of him. The Four Who Speak as One banished me here. To make matters worse, they took away all the lozenges so I’m always hoarse.
Ichabod: Apology accepted. I’ll get you out of here. I guess I should kiss you goodbye now.
The Shipping Fairy: Nope, Ichabbie is endgame, so we’re not letting you actually get to the kiss.
Abbie: So if I went out with a guy and we had “awful intercourse,” we’d be going on a second date?
After Ichabod’s return, a monstrous creature watches the cabin. Team Witness and Henry visit the Historical Society; Ichabod is quite flirty with the librarian. He is capable of turning on the charm when he wants something, which in this case is access to documents about Trinity Church where Katrina was when she gave Jeremy up. The librarian isn’t eager to help but shows him where to find some records. His mind isn’t completely on his mission. It goes like this:
Ichabod: Hey look, it’s mistletoe. We are here to find out about the son I never knew and rescue Katrina, but I just thought I’d point this out to you, Leftenant.
Ichabod: It makes me think about intercoursing but that would be a little inappropriate for this situation, so I guess we’ll move on.
Ichabbie shippers: Don’t toy with our hearts, Ichabod.
It’s amusing that there was a “competing” ship because Katrina and Crane were never depicted as the One True Pairing, but everyone is entitled to their opinion—no matter how ludicrous. As it turns out, Jeremy was a mystical juvenile delinquent and arsonist, who was able to start fires by crying. It wasn’t intentional, he was just a toddler, but it sucks that the Dixons died in a blaze. Obviously, Grace and her husband already had children, she’s Abby’s ancest, but nobody mentions what happened to them.
As a sin eater, Henry knows when someone is lying and the librarian, Ms. Hudson, was acting cagey before she went outside. By the time, they find her she’s been fatally attacked by some creature who crushed her car with his fists. Hulk smash puny humans. It turns out that Ms. Hudson kept private records. She was part of Katrina’s coven, Sisterhood of the Radiant Heart. Ichabbie and Henry do more research and discover that Jeremy wound up in an orphanage where he was beaten by a priest. A single drop of Jeremy’s blood spilled on the creepy doll, which brought the thing to life. The Golem killed the abusive priest and became Jeremy’s protector. Ichabod’s visit to the other realm brought the Golem into this one.
Abbie recognizes the Golem doll and the Four who Spoke as One from the vision she had a couple of episodes back. She figures out that the librarian was headed to see the witches. As luck would have it, they are at a nearby carnival. These chicks are way cooler than any other carnival feature. if you’re brave enough to deal with a foursome of pale women shrouded in black and speaking in sync. If I was at that carnival, I’d get some fried dough, play a few rounds of Skee ball and get the Fab Four to tell me my fortune. It goes like this:
The Four Who Speak as One: We’ve just been hanging out waiting for you, now we’re gonna have to die.
Ichabod: Who says?
The Four Who Speak as One: Prophecy, just like the prophecy that your fate is entwined with Lieutenant Doe Eyes, whom you will marry and then live happily ever after with.
The Four Who Speak as One: Never mind. Look, the Golem was a murderer, who killed off everybody who got close to Jeremy.
Ichabod: Well, he was really more of a foster dad and protector.
The Four Who Speak as One: Whatevs, we sent the beast to Purgatory. We tried to help Jeremy, but he didn’t want to be part of our coven and he was too powrul to defeat, so we stopped his heart. “Death begets death,” so now we have to die as punishment. By the way, only Jeremy’s blood can kill the beast. Get the hint?
The Golem: Hi everyone, I’m here to kill you witches. Don’t mind me.
The Four Who Speak as One: Okey-doke.
After the Golem’s rampage, Ichabod shivs him but gives a touching goodbye, thanking the Golem taking care of Jeremy.
Captain Frank Irving isn’t having the best day either. During a visit to Manhattan, he consults his one-time pastor to ask about the two witnesses in the Bible. Short answer: Everybody’s gonna die—including their apostles. Reverend Boland is a downer. Irving takes Macey to the park, when she rolls off in her wheelchair to look at a puppy, a hot chocolate vendor asks Irving if Macey is “strong enough to fight for her soul.” The man’s eyes are glazed with white. Irving gets rough the man, who snaps out of a trance and has no memory of what happened. During the scuffle, the man bumps into a nearby woman whose the eyes of a nearby woman glaze white.
Back at the police station, Abbie tries to console Crane about his lost wife and the death of the child he never knew with an early Christmas gift: She got him an embroidered stocking. Oh, Abbie, so adorable and thoughtful and not sure how to deal withsoul-crushing news. When she goes off to get comfort food, Ichabod sees a mirror shatter. It’s Moloch, of course. He has an alarming message: “I offer this warning. A saint’s name is a sign. When you know my meaning, war will take form. And the End of Days begins… Your death is assured. You and the second witness. I touched her soul once. Soon it will be mine forever. And you will give it to me.”
I’ll say this for Moloch, at least, he gives valuable information in a timely manner unlike you-know-who.
Clifhanger: Ichabod tells Abbie: “Moloch. He’s coming for your soul. He says I will deliver it to him.”