How to Go Nuts the Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce Way
For some people, GG2D is a fun, frothy show. For me, it’s a roadmap. Last night Abby had a breakdown. Now we all have one from time to time. And by we, I mean me. Aren’t booze-fueled crying jags like laundry? You gotta do it once a week unless you’re some sort of cyborg. In any case, let’s examine the best way to completely lose your shit.
- Have a trigger: Someone or something has to set you off. In Abby’s case it’s that 12-year-old book editor rejecting her ideas in favor of a book about having one foot in the grave.
- Concentrate on the trigger: Abby went home to write about having one foot in the grave.
- Pretend you’re okay: Abby’s stoic act didn’t fool Phoebe and Lyla.
- Make wine your friend: Not one little sip, fill up those goblets again and again. This is best done alone.
- Focus on your imperfections: Abby marked all of her “flawed” body parts with a marker.
- Act so crazy the neighbors have to call security: Naked Abby got her hands stuck in a window.
- Do the cry for help: Phoebe and Lyla came running when Abby reached DEFCON 3.
- Turn to social media: Thanks to Instagram, Abby found out that her family was having a great night with Becca, her husband’s pretty, young girlfriend. Did we mention she’s a celebrity? Also be sad that you are not hanging out with J. August Richards because you’re a Marti Noxon fangirl and loved him on “Angel.”
- Deface property: Abby destroyed her daughter’s Becca poster.
- Reconsider your poor life choices: Abby, Lyla and Phoebe scrambled to find a replacement poster.
- Find out that you got yourself all whipped up for nothing: With Becca as her new BFF, Abbie’s daughter no longer cared about the poster.
- Rinse, lather, repeat: That next breakdown is right around the corner.