Downton Abbey Sex Scandal — Will Lady Mary Kill Again?
Lady Mary Crawley is beautiful, sought-after and always the center of attention, but is the merry widow also dangerous? That’s what certain Crawley-watchers are saying and they fear for the life of Lord Gillingham.
A friend of Gillingham’s former fiancée, Mabel Lane Fox, tattles, “They both just ‘happened’ to be in Liverpool at the same time. Tony was spotted kissing her on the street, right out in the open, which is kind of a dick move. He better just hope it’s not the kiss of death.”
The whispers started back in 1913 when Turkish diplomat Kemal Pamuk visited Downton Abbey. A source who was there that night reports, “The pair couldn’t take their eyes off each other and slipped away for a while to ‘look at some art.’ Who can blame her? What girl wouldn’t want to kiss those pillow lips?”
One disgruntled Downton staffer maintains that Pamuk was last seen entering the comely Crawley’s room before his sudden death. “He was young and healthy so it’s hard to believe that he just had a heart attack or stroke.” Another insider, who uses the alias Edie Rawley, gripes, “I’ve known her forever and I don’t know why everybody’s so into her. It’s always ‘Mary this’ and ‘Mary that.’ ‘Mary, Mary, Mary.’ I’ve been saying for years that she has a poisonous vagina. Nobody wants to believe it because she’s the favorite.”
Matthew Crawley, Mary’s late husband, also suffered a death that no one saw coming in 1921. A tipster notes. “The way he just swerved off the road never made sense. He’d taken a defensive driving class and the whole thing strikes me as peculiar.” Of course, as we’ve reported before, there’s speculation that Matthew faked his death. The tipster confides, “Matthew was burnt-out from all the same old Downton drama. He had this idea of going to America and making a big splash, but who knows?” 
An employee, who asked not to be identified, fumes, “That Lady Mary is shady. She doesn’t want anyone to know what she’s up to so she had the nerve to send one of her maids to get birth control. Can you believe that? Ugh, such entitlement.”
Well, maybe Gillingham supporters can breathe a sigh of relief. One of Mary’s defenders asserts, “The rumors that she killed someone are ludicrous and anyone who makes up such rubbish should be ashamed. Besides, she came back talking about what a ‘nice man’ Tony is. He’s been Friend Zoned.”
This is hilarious – they really should have you doing the commentary after the show!