How to Get Away with Murder is always crazy, but this episode took it to 11. Here are stream-of-consciousness ramblings on the biggest shockers from the latest episode.

1. Mr. Sexy Cop and Oliver are in a fierce battle for the role of Poor Edith. Now Nate’s in trouble for his cancer-ravaged wife’s death; she asked to put out of her misery. This series is not called How to Get Away with Mercy Killings. He gets off the hook thanks to some machinations by his lawyer, Eve, who is Annalise’s sultry former lover. Her ex is representing her ex. They tamper with a blood sample, but at this point, Nate should do whatever it takes to avoid another murder trial. Oliver, your move.

2. Laurel is working hard to be the most useless member of the Keating 5. Laurel whines to Annalise because she wants approval for her creepy relationship with Frank. Annalise does not play that game; she tells Laurel: “Go back to the office and stop being needy.” Laurel also embraces a dumb trope. When characters go undercover, the actors like to show off with made-up accents. Laurel uses a cutesy Spanish accent while evidence-gathering, it’s pointless. If her ruse is detected, nobody is going to say, “Oh, it can’t be her. She looks exactly like the woman I talked to, but that one had an accent.”

3. Everyone thinks Annalise and Wes are doing it. Eve questions Annalise’s relationship with Wes. Professor Keating says she doesn’t have sex with her students. She doesn’t mention dirty-dancing with them.

4. Annalise eats pub appetizers. She and Eve order mozzarella sticks and potato skins. It’s hard to imagine Annalise gnawing on buffalo wings, but it could happen.

5. Sam had quite the insurance policy.  When fantasizing about an expensive Paris trip, Annalise tells Eve: “Oh, that’s not a problem, I’ve got Sam money.” If only she would use some of it to move out of her dark and creepy house.

6. We Finally Know Who Wes Is!  Annalise tells Eve, “It’s him.” Thanks for clearing that up, Annalise. Since “it’s him,” she should also use some of that Sam money to get “him” out of that crappy apartment.

7. Frank is disturbing. When Oliver makes a comment about not being as hot as Connor, Frank notes: “Seriously, I’d spank you before Walsh.”

8. Bonnie needs to have a seat: Okay, Annalise did blab to Connor about Bonnie’s incestuous pedophile father, so Miss Winterbottom has cause to be upset. (She’d really be pissed if she knew that Annalise showed Connor the video.) Annalise did it to save Bonnie from a murder rap and Bonnie should already know about her unorthodox methods of getting shit done. She had the nerve to say that Annalise doesn’t know how to love anyone. La Keating doesn’t care for that sort of talk and retorts: “Alright. When you go back to that fancy apartment and roll around in bed with that 25-year old boy and you’re not hanging from a bedsheet behind some metal bars, then you tell me that I don’t love you.” Bonnie ups the insults by saying: “I want you to die.” Shut up, Bonnie.

9. Bonnie also needs to Netflix and chill. In the flash-forward, we see that she’s the one responsible for this season’s mystery. Miss Winterbottom appears to have shoved her nemesis Emily Sinclair off a roof. This show should be called How to Get Away with Bonnie’s Murders.

10. Oliver’s life sucks. After helping out the Keating Five, Oliver returns to his apartment and doesn’t lock the door. Enter quiet loner, Phillip, who the gang has been trying to find. He is aware of Oliver’s cyber-sleuthing. Bye Oliver. He’s probably not dead, but even if he lives, his life will still suck. Poor Oliver.

We love thoughtful and witty comments, they don’t appear right away, but we’ll get to them.

How to Get Away with Murder airs Thursdays at 10/9c on ABC

Sometimes I think I’m over How To Get Away with Murder, but sometimes I’m delusional. Miss Shonda has me ensnared in her web, there is no way out! Here are some stream-of-consciousness ramblings.

1. Bonnie gives off a sketchy vibe at times, but this story about why she killed Sam sounds legit. Poor Bonnie. Of course, this convoluted murder mystery has been going on so long now that I can’t recall all the who, what, where, when and how.
2. Confession, I spent all Season 1 hate-watching , but I’m warming up to the Scooby Gang. Connor is unapologetically bitchy, gotta respect that. It’s not that I like Asher, per se, it’s complicated. Pro: Matt McGorry is a talented actor, and Asher is supposed to be a jerk. Con: Asher is a jerk.
3. Laurel remains on the pay-no-mind list. Her sleazy tryst with Frank isn’t helping. They are leaving a lot of DNA in that basement. Ew.
4. Miss Shonda doesn’t get enough credit for dropping truth bombs about race, gender, sex and status. There have been some preachy articles about Olivia Pope and Annalise’ Keating’s love lives, but Miss Shonda has deep thoughts. You see it in scenes like Annalise giving Asher some straight talk about his poor-little-rich frat-boy worldview.
5. That said, it’s still not clear how framing Nate for Sam’s murder was a solid plan. A black man accused of killing a white man: go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Professor Keating thought she’d get him off the hook, but a Hail Mary pass is not the way to go.
6. Poor Oliver. He is the Poor Edith of this show. Just sitting at his computer having his heart broken by Connor repeatedly. No happy ending for Oliver.
7. That’s now how I meant it, pervs.
8. Rebecca is almost as annoying dead as she was alive.
9. OMG, Bonnie, please don’t sob! Her dark night of the soul is real.
10. Asher, ugh, this is the wrong time to do the right thing. Are you crazy? Bonnie is falling apart right now, just give her a hug.
11. Wow, look at all that money in the warehouse or garage or storage facility or wherever the Scooby Gang is supposed to be. This is all kinds of Breaking Bad right now. Can you imagine? They are all walking away from it in disgust. Gotta say, I would be stuffing stacks in my purse. Wes could grab some dough and move out of that seedy apartment. Buy a condo, pay off your student loans, get a car, shop for new outfits, nobody will judge you, Wes.
12. Wait, what? Why is there video of this incestuous depravity? Poor Bonnie, her father videotaped this. Why is Annalise holding on to it? She had to convert it from VCR to digital and then store it on a flash drive because she suspected that one day Bonnie would kill a would-be-rapist and Annalise would need this tragic backstory so that a law student wouldn’t squeal on Bonnie? That makes no sense.
13. Stop making sense, this is a riveting and emotional scene! Asher understands Bonnie now and would never go to the authorities.
14. Damnit, Asher!

How to Get Away with Murder airs Thursdays at 10/9c on ABC

Annalise Keating has quite the felonious rep, now she’s getting requests. Here are stream-of-consciousness ramblings on How to Get Away with Murder‘s “Skanks Get Shanked.” Let’s go!

1. Talking about your own fear when visiting your lover’s dying wife is iffy. At least bring a Whitman Sampler next time. So, the dying woman asks her husband’s mistress to put her out of her misery and kill her? People are starting to talk; Annalise might want to ease off murder right now and get a new hobby. Is scrapbooking is still a thing?
2. Things only Annalise Keating can get away with: telling Michaela, “You’ve got boobs, any brother not screwing his sister should respond to them.” Logic!
3. Speaking of Miss Pratt, just when you think her sex life can’t be more tragic, she gets into phone sex with a chirpy amateurish “Spank me, Daddy.” Leave the dirty talk to the pros, Michaela.
4. When will TV characters stop getting goaded into admitting their crimes in court? “Yes, I did it because I’m smarter than everyone else, blah, blah, blah!” Has that ever happened in real life? If so, add several years to their sentences for being dumbasses.
5. Why is Annalise standing on top of Connor? It always looks like she’s going in for the kiss. Well, Connor is in the same uncomfortable boat as Wes now. That’s Annalise Keating; she knows How to Get Away with Murder and How to Get Away with Invading Personal Space.

How to Get Away with Murder airs Thursdays at 10/9c on ABC

How to Get Away with Murder‘s “It’s Called the Octopus,” was all kinds of crazy. That’s redundant. Nobody watches HTGAWM for SANE scenarios.

1. Must all the mystery scenes be dimly-lit and washed in shades of dark blue or green?
2. Annalise Keating boozing it up and eating ice cream out the carton = relatable.
3. Annalise needs to move to a brightly lit condo in a gated community or a penthouse apartment. Skulking about in the shadowy House of Death is no bueno.
4. Hi, Sherri Saum from Sunset Beach and One Life to Live. I haven’t seen you in a minute. Trivia: A rival impregnated Sherri Saum’s Sunset Beach character with a  turkey-baster. #SoapOperasBeLike
5. Sherri Saum just uttered this sublime sentence: “Then put me on the stand, I’ll make it clear I didn’t kill him with my vagina.”
6. Orders Annalise barks at her students: “Move! Find me a sex party!”
7. A sex position named “Octopus?” Nope.
8. Ooh, the adopted siblings at the center of this season’s case may be up to some “Flowers in the Attic.” shenanigans! Just as I suspected.
9. Connor needs Michaela’s help at the sex club. “That’s why you’re here, to make sure I stay soft.” Poor Michaela. It’s a hard-knock life for her…
10. Laurel and Frank’s relationship is unsettling. Does anyone ship them? Is there a #Flank hashtag?
11. Aw, Levi is using Michaela? She is the “Poor Edith” of this show.
12. So Levi is looking for Rebecca, whom he will never find because Bonnie whacked her — it was a mercy killing, Rebecca was annoying. Levi called her “Eggs” because their foster father made her lick up raw eggs off the floor. Ha Ha? Alternate nicknames: “Salmonella” and “Emotional scars.”
13. Levi rightly suspects Rebecca is a goner, but Wes says, “nobody wanted to hurt her.” (Tentatively raises hand.)
14. Connor thinks he deserves a merit badge for not cheating on his boyfriend at a sex party. Oh, Connor.
15. Levi speaks Latin, good for Michaela.
16. Oh, psych! Annalise was not dressing for the sex party; it was for Mr. Sexy Cop. Or Mr. Sexy Ex-cop.
17. Wait, Nate is working with Wes?
18. Well, then Nate is Mr. Shady Ex-cop!

How to Get Away with Murder airs Thursdays at 10/9c on ABC

How to Get Away with Murder returned for a second season this week with the episode “It’s Time to Move On.” Here are some stream-of-consciousness ramblings on the premiere. *Wine was consumed while writing this.

1. Am I really into a second season? I didn’t love the first season as much as I wanted to.
2. Except for Viola Davis, who is everything.
3. I really did not care for Rebecca, so I’m glad she’s gone.
4. Wait, am I going to have to see her in flashbacks all season?
5. Only ten days later?
6. Annalise/Viola is rocking that green dress and her hair is on-point.
7. Wow, when did Wes get so mouthy?
8. Seriously, Wes, you don’t talk to a man like Moe Greene like that — and you most definitely do not talk to a woman like Annalise Keating like that.
9. Michaela: “Oh, you want me to stop being annoying?” Yes, Michaela, I’ve wanted you to be less annoying since Day One.
10. Case of the week grievance: I’d like everyone to not use the phrase “real children” when talking about adoptees.
11. Bonnie is into Asher now and he’s giving her the brush-off, that has got to sting.
12. That’s the way he rolls, Bonnie, you should have seen the way he treated Dayanara Diaz.
13. Watch it Asher, you could be the next to die. Bonnie strikes me as crazy.
14. Why, hello, Mr. Sexy Cop, you have been missed.
15. “White folks, always bringing up race when it suits them, never when it matters.” Thanks for the quote of the week, Nate aka Mr. Sexy Cop.
16. Nancy Lee Grahn desperately wanted to Tweet something stupid about that, but her publicist just put duct tape on her hands.
17. That purple coat with the red trim? Hand it over, Annalise.
18. Another one, Michaela? No gaydar at all. She certainly has a type.
19. The way Annalise looks at Wes is unnerving.
20. What’s going on here, is Frank checking out Michaela’s online dating profile?
21. The relationships on this show are so bizarre.
22. Yep, it looks like we’ll be seeing Rebecca all season. Sigh.
23. Bonnie did it! I thought she was guilty all Season One and she wasn’t, but now she is.
24. Asher seriously better watch his back. Though, I wouldn’t mind if she took him out.
25. Bonus, now that the murder mystery has been solved are we done with Rebecca scenes?
26. I’m getting a vibe here, was Annalise involved with whoever it is Famke Janssen is playing?
27. I didn’t think she…
28. Oh, she does.
29. Another Annalise outfit I want. The trim on this white jacket is so cute.
30. Connor is into being monogamous now? Wasn’t he a man slut a couple of days ago?
31. Look at Annalise getting her club on. These characters always seem like they are on the verge of an orgy.
32. These students may get extra credit.
33. Two months later already? Is Wes coming out of the case-of-the-week house?
34. Wait, what?
35. Annalise got shot?!
36. Holy shit!
37. I’m so in.

What did you think about the episode? Comments don’t appear immediately, but we promise we’ll get to them.

1. I decided that Bonnie was guilty early on. Why? Because she seemed least likely to have been the killer. To my way of thinking, the least likely suspect is always the guilty one. She had a thing for Sam so maybe she killed Lila in a jealous rage. Nope!

   

2. Those scratch marks on the wall in Wes’ crummy apartment meant that Rebecca killed her neighbor because he knew she murdered Lila. Nope!
3. Hannah Keating did it because … reasons. Maybe she did have some sort of Flowers in the Attic thing going with her brother. Nope!
4. Unbalanced Lila killed herself to set up Sam. Nope!
5. Mr. Sexy Cop did it for Annalise because … reasons. Nope!
6. Frank? Frank? I barely paid attention to him. He might as well have been an extra until it was revealed that he would do anything for Anna Mae.
7. Why did Sam need Frank’s help? A strapping man like Sam should have been able to do it himself. Why was Frank beholden to Sam?

   

8. Rebecca was a royal pain from the get-go. The goth thing is a little past its prime. Pale skin, piercings, ennui. Meh!
9. Rebecca is dead! She’s dead! We no longer have to deal with her. Except for in flashbacks. It was a mercy killing. She was a bore. Yay!
10. Well, if Frank didn’t do it and Annalise didn’t do it. whodunnit? Will Bonnie finally be guilty of something? Did Sam or Hannah do it for revenge?

Fall can’t come soon enough.

The Nate Lahey scenes were gut-wrenching. That’s the first time I’ve written the character’s name. I can’t call him Mr. Sexy Cop now, that would be vulgar when the character is strip-searched and humiliated in prison. Billy Brown didn’t have many lines, he didn’t need them; his scenes were quietly powerful. It’s too bad that much of Brown’s interaction with Viola Davis this season were hurried scenes in cars.

And then we get to Cicely Tyson. That was a bit of a mood whiplash, huh? Her introductory scenes took on a ’70s sitcom vibe. It’s Cicely Tyson, she can do whatever she wants.

The arrival of Ophelia, Annalise’s mother, explains a lot. Ophelia is harsh and seemingly resentful of her daughter’s success. No wonder Anna Mae Annalise fled that life. It’s a threadbare trope, but it does speak to Annalise’s determination that she transformed herself into brilliant and accomplished Professor Keating. Yes, she’s a mess, but she’s a brilliant and accomplished mess.

The episode fleshed out Annalise’s backstory. It’s already been established that Annalise had a tragic past Now it’s confirmed: she was raped by an uncle as a child. (So that’s what she was referring to during an argument with Sam when she accused him of seeking out vulnerable and broken women.) Unbeknownst to Annalise, Ophelia eventually avenged Annalise’s rape in a The Burning Bed sort of way. This opens the door for Annalise to forgive some of Ophelia’s many flaws.

Consider this: Annalise would be less screwed up if she’d been raised by Rowan Pope. Olivia certainly has her issues, but she is less haunted and tormented than Annalise. Bear in mind that Rowan orchestrates cold-blooded killings in the name of national security.

So now it looks like Sam didn’t kill Lila. Did an extra kill Lila? Did a viewer kill Lila? Did you kill Lila? Rowan Pope would have wrapped this thing up already. By the two-hour finale, Annaliese will unfurl from the fetal position and get back to being the red-leather jacket Annalise we saw in the pilot. Annalise has got this.

Hey there, are you late to the HTGAWM party? There’s a lot of back and forth on the show, so here’s how to get with the program. (See what we did there?)

1. Learn the show’s acronym if you’re going to Tweet about it. The correct hashtag is #HTGAWM. Who has the time to write out the whole name?
2. Understand the timeline. The dark intro bonfire scenes take place in the present. The comparably well-lighted scenes take place in the past. The scenes where we first meet Annalise (Viola Davis) are supposed to have taken place three months ago.
3. Get used to seeing those bonfire scenes over and over and over again.
4. Pay attention to the wide-eyed kid on the bike. He’s kind of annoying but he plays an important role on the show. I guess he’s supposed to be an audience surrogate.
5. Pause for a moment when you see those fliers about a missing girl. There will be a quiz on this later.
6. Roll your eyes whenever the rude neighbor is on.
7. Feel free to get up for more pie during the case of the week. They aren’t as juicy as the ones on “Scandal” and the procedural part isn’t as convincing as “SVU.”
8. Ignore the fact that the law firm seems to take on clients, investigate and get to the verdict in three consecutive days.
9. Do not adjust your TV. The show is dark in more ways than one and you’ll have a hard time seeing what’s going on half the time.
10. Keep all the episodes on your DVR. You’ll want to revisit them to put the puzzle pieces together.
11. Get a thrill when Annalise strolls into the classroom. Enjoy her walk, enjoy her eyes, enjoy the way she drawls the name of the show.
12. Get ready for sex. Lots of sex. Sex, sex, sex. Sexy sex. Sex on desks. Sex against walls. Sex in halls. Sex in stalls.
13. Practice saying the name of the show the same way Annalise does, it’ll amuse your friends.
14. Return to this site for the kind of witty recaps you clamor for. (You do clamor, right? Please tell us you clamor. We’re needy like that.) The recap of the pilot is here and the recap of the second episode is here.

Case of Week: Yay, none of that tedium tonight. We spend so much time ignoring it.

Past Presumed Murder: Nope. The show is living in the now. We welcome our merged timeline overlords.

Present Day Not Quite Murder. Maybe Manslaugthter: Annalise orders Sam out and threatens to call 911. Oh, Sam if you left then, you wouldn’t have needed emergency services later. Annalise thinks this is a good time to mention her desk shenanigans with Mr. Sexy Cop in a blaze of details.  Annalise is getting close to “Cell Block Tango” territory because she knows Sam will not appreciate this.

Oh, looky, Sam finds the best way to prove he didn’t strangle Lila; he has his hands around his wife’s neck because Sam is all about poor life decisions. She challenges him to kill her, and he does … with words. Sam has some vile things to say about what he thinks of Annalise. It’s like “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” except Burton and Taylor were so much nicer than these two (Elaine likes Ye Olde Time-y references). Annalise storms out, Sam is an idiot so he hangs around because he doesn’t realize this show is not called “How to Get Away with Pissing Off Annalise.”

Wes persuades a dubious Connor and Laurel to race to the Keating house because he thinks Rebecca is there. He insists that Sam will kill Rebecca to cover up his supposed murder of Lila. Michaela is already at the house to turn in the pilfered Scales of Justice trophy to Annalise. That’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works. Michaela has bad timing because that’s when Rebecca sneaks in and Sam goes after her. Not bright enough to leave, Michaela hangs around screaming on the phone to Wes because Plaid Shirt and Bicycle is so tough. The Scooby Gang shows up. Wes ASKS Sam if they can leave. Five against one and this goof is asking permission. Guess he thinks this will get him extra credit. There is a struggle and Sam falls to his death. Michaela was the one who pushed him. Never saw that coming. Wait, he’s was still alive — until the Plaid Wonder (at least we think it was him — these scenes were kind of night-vision for us) hits him with the trophy. Okay, now Sam’s dead. For real. We know what happens next because we remember all the scenes from every episode.

Prim blouses aside, Bonnie gets freaky. She picks up a guy in a bar then double dips by taking Asher to bed. Two guys in one night. Welp, it’s always the quiet ones. Guess the first guy was lousy. Afterward, Asher gripes when he sees selfies of his “friends” at the bonfire without him. Guess Bonnie was lousy. Annalise, of course, is straddling Mr. Sexy Cop. She later calls Sam, begging him to come home. Why? She phones Bonnie to ask if Sam’s with her. Why?

Oh, now we know why. We see a flashback to the night of Sam’s death. Wes returns to the house. Annalise is there. She thanks him for killing Sam. Sadly, its seasonal finale time until January.  Though we’re now entering real time, there’s still plenty of questions to keep viewers trying to figure out just how Annalise and the Scooby Gang Get Away With… Manslaughter. This could keep a recapper up nights between now and the show’s return. That is cruel, but okay, Show, I’m enjoying the ride.

PS We still don’t trust Bonnie.

Oh, for goodness’ sake, just when I thought these timelines were merging, it’s six months earlier, back in those halcyon days when Lila and Rebecca were friends. I’m employing a new format this week because trying to keep track makes me want to stab myself in the neck.

• Case of the Week: Prescription sleep medication made some rich lady snap. She’s accused of killing her Scandinavian nanny. On the other hand, the drug prompted her to buy clothes online, cook gourmet meals and initiate sex with her husband, so let’s not get all judgey. There are only so many hours in the day. It would be nice to simultaneously sleep and get stuff done.
• The Keating Five: Since this show’s alternate title is “How to Get an STD,”  Frank and Laurel are at it and his girlfriend walks in and who cares…. Annalise finally realizes that Connor is a one-trick pony and blasts him for always using his lightsaber to gather evidence…. The best thing ever happens when the lovely Lynn Whitfield shows up as the mother of Michaela’s fiancé. Remember that prenup? When Michaela refuses to sign the document, Lynn Whitfield stabs her in the neck with a MontBlanc pen, wraps her body in a bespoke Vera Wang dress and disposes of the corpse.
• The Summer of 2014: It’s June, the establishing shot reminds me of “Veronica Mars.” Lila Stangard is Lilly Kane. Harry Hamlin did it! Case solved. Lila grouses to Rebecca about her sexless relationship with Griffin. Well, he didn’t make her sign that virginity pact in blood, did he? She’s met somebody new, code name: “Mr. Darcy.” Does Rebecca get the reference? Does anyone believe that jackass Rebecca read “Pride and Prejudice”? By July, Lila is bragging about how she’s no longer a virgin, she did it with Darcy. He sexts her the infamous penis picture. At the risk of being critical, he certainly has the body of an older man. It’s August, Lila sobs that Darcy wants to end it. Her dreams of wearing a bespoke Vera Wang dress have been dashed. She wants to go to Darcy’s wife and show her all the photos of his junk. Where is my pen? I need to stab this crybaby in the neck…. On August 29, the dumb heifer actually has the nerve to show up at the Keating home. Bonnie answers the door and figures the crying girl is just another one of Frank’s bad life choices. Lila demands to speak to Annalise about her husband. Bonnie chases her off and is kinda badass about it, too.

• 

  The Aftermath: After Annalise learns from Bonnie that Lila was six-weeks pregnant, she’s on the warpath. As Bonnie awkwardly stands around, Sam denies to Annalise that he knew Lila was pregnant. Annalise takes the news straight to Wes because she does not run the kind of law firm where actual adults do anything useful. Though it can help Rebecca’s case, she tells him to keep mum. He doesn’t trust her motives, but shares the revelation with Rebecca anyway. Rebecca immediately fills in her new ally Mr. Sexy Cop. She suggests that since Sam texted Lila so much there may be evidence on his phone. Wes arrives on his bike just as Sam is pulling off. He’s furious with Rebecca because he thinks Annalise is playing them. Of course, he’s really mad because riding a bike is not as cool as driving a car. He should move to Amsterdam.

• Unhappy Hour: It’s drinking and crying time. Annalise blames herself for being the other woman when Sam was married to his first wife, and calls herself barren. Sam lamely tries to console “Annie.” Lynn Whitfield strides in and tells Annalise to snap out of it if she doesn’t want to get stabbed in the neck….. Bonnie talks to Sam about the night Lila showed up. She guesses that Lila wanted to talk about the pregnancy and Sam knew. Sam is all about good life choices, he starts murmuring and stroking Bonnie’s face and pulls her into a kiss. This is getting ridiculous, but okay, Show. It’s the night of the bonfire now, Bonnie goes to Annalise and tells her about that conversation with Sam. Ms. Winterbottom actually bows at Annalise’s feet as she apologizes for not telling her about the pregnancy. Bonnie admits that Sam was using her when he kissed her so that she’d keep quiet. Annalise promptly fires Bonnie, who should just be grateful she didn’t get stabbed in the neck. When Sam comes home Annalise informs him that she’s requesting DNA samples from all the men in Lila’s life — including teachers.

The Verdict: I’m over everyone. I want Lynn Whitfield to loan me her pen so I can stab people in the neck.