Sleepy Hollow: “The Vessel” — Jan. 13, 2014
Them evil forces are busy. Moloch put Ichabod Crane on notice, the beast warned that he will take Lieutenant Abbie Mills’ soul and Ichabod will be the one to give it to him. Captain Irving’s daughter Macey has been targeted by a body-jumping demon who inhabited the body of a man and a woman in the park. You do not mess with Frank Irving. Let’s go!
Just because the Apocalypse is imminent, does not mean that Lieutenant Abbie Mills is going to forget about making sure her man’s look is on point, so she gets him some skinny jeans. His twitchy fingers are at Code Red.
Abbie: Hell hath frozen over.
Ichabod: Indeed. Now, may we return to the task at hand? I don’t understand your obsession with my finery. Demons threaten our very existence with the promise of Apocalypse. Oh, God, this wounds. One sign of the impending Apocalypse is surely skinny jeans.
The police interrogate the hapless hot chocolate vendor who doesn’t remember saying anything to Frank about Macey’s soul. During the confrontation, the vendor bumped into a woman, who has been summoned as a witness. When she arrives at the sheriff’s department, she passes on the evil cooties to the Deputy Officer who phones Irving from inside the police station and threatens to take Macey’s soul unless Irving gives him Washington’s Bible. The evil spirit then possesses Officer Devon Jones. On the advice of Reverend Boland, Irving takes Macey and his estranged wife to a safehouse.
Ichabod and Abbie research the evil entitiy. Good news: Corbin’s files include a video of a young woman who was also targeted by the demon. Bad news: It’s Abbie’s sister, Jenny Mills who was possessed by the spirit when she was 19. Somebody is always trying to squat in Sheriff Corbin’s cabin. If it’s not damn sexy hobos without the means to pay rent, it’s an evil spirit. The spirit accurately predicts that the Horseman of Death will kill Corbin. It also says that Jenny will kill Abbie. It goes like this:
Abbie: How dare you not tell me this story. I would have totally helped you fight the demon.
Jenny: Uh, you kind of let me languish in psychiatric hospitals and denied knowing anything about the demons.
Abbie: Okay, point taken.
At the safehouse, the demon dumps Devon. It goes like this:
Demon: Hey Sexy.
Demon: You would probably make a cool recurring character, but I’m bored, so I’m gonna just go ahead and inhabit Luke Morales now.
Devon: Okay, I guess I’ll just go wait for my next episode.
Luke: Sorry, bro, I have to kill you now. Also, nobody will ever see me again after this episode.
Devon: You’ll never get away with this. It’s not like the writers are just going to give you an unexplained disappearance.
The writers: Um.
I never noticed this before, but when Ichabod follows Jenny to her messy car. He spots a royal blue bra and picks it up and asks: “Why must you and your sister insist on keeping such a stockpile of strange apparel?” First of all: What the hell, Jenny? Secondly: What the hell, Ichabod? Don’t be pervy with the ladies’ garments. Don’t act like you haven’t figured out what a bra is. Thirdly—and this is the most important question—Are you still thinking about that time when Abbie had to take her top off for … reasons to defeat The Sandman? Have you seen her unmentionables recently? Moving on, Jenny experienced blackouts in the past, which means that the demon has inhabited her body on multiple occasions. Jenny was so afraid that she would kill Abbie, she committed crimes so that she would be locked up and unable to harm her sis. Team
Team Witness head to the archives and learn the demon’s name: Ancitiff. It’s one of Moloch’s minions, of course. The mission: “destroy disciples.” Implying that Irving is a disciple is a stretch, which even the trio acknowledge but let’s keep it moving. Ancitiff was previously defeated with a blessed lantern from France. Ichabod recognizes the lantern. Benjamin Franklin had a few in his possession. Jenny also is familiar with the French lantern and thinks some associates have it. They are End of Days fanatics at the Weavers’ compound.
They better find it quick because Ancitiff jumps out of Luke and into Macey, who then goes all The Excorcist. She levitates and kills Reverend. Boland. Not to tell Ancitiff how to do it’s job, but it didn’t need all of these middlemen to get to Macey. All it had to do was jump into Captain Irving, who would surely have made physical contact with Macey. Or Ancitiff could have jumped into Irving’s body and commanded him to get Washington’s Bible. It probably wouldn’t be all that hard for him to persuade Abbie and Ichabod to give it to him. Ancitiff is not efficient.
Back to the Witnesses, who are at the compound, Crane who is always trying to broker peace between the sisters tells Abbie about Jenny’s sacrifice. He is also always trying to be slick when he’s checking out Abbie’s body. The lantern is somewhat out of his reach, but it’s not that far. Instead of looking around for a broom or finding an apple crate or whatever, he needs Abbie’s help. He offers to “hoist her up.” Fact: According to history, “hoist her up” is how gentlemen in the 18th century said: “I love you, Bae.” Crane then makes that face that implies he shouldn’t be peeping at her bottom, but he’s totally peeping. You fool no one, Crane. We all see what you are about.
In any case, Team Witness defeats Ancitiff, Macey is okay again with no memory of what happened and the Sisters Mills hug it out.
Cliffhanger: The Witnesses examine Washington’s Bible: Invisible ink time! Washington scrawled a date on the pages, December 18, 1799. But Washington died on December 14, what could it all mean?