10 Thoughts on Orange is the New Black Season 4 Episode 5: “We’ll Always Have Baltimore”

I took a dinner break, fed the dog and filled up my wine goblet with some red sangria so now I’m ready to deliver more stream-of-consciousness ramblings as I binge-watch Orange is the New Black Season 4. Let’s go!

  1. The rapey vibe from the new Corrections Officers is unsettling. Of course, weasely Charlie Coats surpasses rapey and qualifies as an actual rapist, but he doesn’t seem to grasp that. I guess he thought he was making sweet, sweet hillbilly love to Pennsatucky last season when she was face down in the prison van. Now Maritza Ramos has been promoted to van driver and she shuts down some of the pervy COs fast. Good for her. Ramos is one of those tertiary characters I always wanted to know more about.
  2. And now I know, Maritza is not the world’s best car thief, but she’s still as cute as can be and knows how to rock the hell out of a high pony.
    Diane Guerrero as inmate Maritza Ramos on Orange is the New Black

    Maritza’s car theft went wheely wrong on OITNB.

  3. Piper tried her damsel routine on new CO Piscatella with some thinly-veiled racism to bring down her Latina competitors in the used-panty business. With the retort: “I like dudes, I will never find you adorable,” Piscatella delivered one of the season’s best lines. Piper as a casual race-baiter takes her from merely annoying to sincerely unlikable.
  4. There is a mystery about an inmate pooping in the shower and there is a tampon shortage. That is all I have to say about that.
  5. So the new Muslim inmate has a phone hidden in her hijab. Meh. I was more impressed when Blanca Flores hid a cell phone in a bathroom wall back in Season 1.
  6. The newbie is using the phone to communicate with her child, I guess, so anyone with a heart would find that touching.
  7. Let me know when you find someone with a heart. So far she’s boring and I’ll learn her name when she does something interesting.
  8. Welp. to protect her panties project, Piper inadvertently whipped some of the white girls up into a rabid “white lives matter” frenzy.
  9. The only good thing about this plot development is that I got to write the above sentence.
  10. Excuse me while I contact the governor or whoever handles these things about securing Piper an early-release.

We welcome entertaining comments from OITNB fans. Comments don’t appear right away but we promise when we’re back in gen pop.

Elaine G. Flores, Chief Editor
Elaine is the chief editor of TV Recappers' Delight. She's an experienced entertainment reporter, reviewer, editor, blogger, columnist and Bon Vivant.

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