A fresh Hell, indeed. This situation is deteriorating rapidly. Police retrieve Flora’s jacket from the treetop. The officers seem dubious of the Millers’ constant calls. Matt knows they think he, Shelby and Lee are nuts, and he wonders if they could be in cahoots with the hillbillies. Police dogs and volunteers with flyers search the woods in grids. Shelby hears Lee screaming and runs to find her staring in horror at Flora’s doll whose head and legs were replaced with those of a piglet. An horrific new spin on Mr. Potato Head! Matt catches up to Lee and Shelby. As the search continues, the three find a small, rundown vacated house.

And now we come to the reason why so far, for me, AHS season 6 has been more disturbing and at times, harder to watch than “Asylum”. They search the house and find nothing more than animal parts, maggots and flies. Smells pretty bad, too. Strange noises are coming from the barn. They go outside toward the noise, and the yard is strewn with dead piglets, so, hey, let’s go in there! No Flora, just two inbred subhumans suckling on a sow which may be dead. They can speak only one word: Croatoan. They’re gray with dirt, their mouths ringed with milk. Gag! The police take the two abandoned Polk boys to the station and clean them up. They just repeat: Croatoan. At least they got a good scrubbing out of the deal. Mason bursts into the police station angrily demanding answers. (Now that’s fiction!) He joins the search which continues into the night. Everyone is running on fumes, so the Millers, and Lee and Mason head back to the house. Mason immediately gets in Lee’s face, accusing her of kidnapping and hiding their daughter.

Matt steps in when Mason gets a bit too physical and he storms off. Lee, Shelby and Matt try to get some sleep, all of them asleep before their heads hit their pillows. Soon after, Matt’s cell rings. It’s the police, they’ve found something. At the scene they find a body, bound to a wooden circle, burned beyond recognition. A ring recovered from the body is Mason’s. Another crispy critter. That morning, Matt sees he missed two security alerts on his phone in all the chaos. There’s video of Lee leaving during the night and returning hours later. Lee denies taking any part in Mason’s death while Matt knows Lee has reasons to want Mason out of the picture. Permanent loss of custody? Hmm. Lee swears she didn’t go anywhere. Shelby joins in, so no one noticed a peculiar little man strolling into the open front door sporting a cane. He says his name is Cricket Marlow (Leslie Jordan), and spirits summoned him to help their family. I would have just punted him out the front door. Nice to see Leslie Jordan back on AHS. His last appearance was during AHS:Coven, where things didn’t work out so well for him. Cricket’s a nationally-known psychic specializing in locating the missing. (Shelby Googled him and found out he was telling the truth.) He struts and clicks around the house, tapping his cane occasionally. He goes directly to the small closet where Flora went to play with “Prescilla”. Hmm, seems he knows his stuff.  He finds Priscilla’s bonnet inside and says he senses that Flora is still alive. He suggests they hold a seance, contact the entity in charge. They sit around a table, a huge, black candle in the center.

He recites incantations of protection, but is no match for “The Butcher”, Tomasyn White, portrayed by a favorite of mine, Kathy Bates. She speaks with a wonderfully rich brogue but does unspeakable things. And there’s one worse than her to come.

Back to our seance. I guess Tomasyn has had enough of Cricket’s protective blather and throws her cleaver directly through the center of the black candle. They all see the candle split, but Cricket is the only one who can see who threw it. The psychic attempts to stem her anger by shouting “Croatoan”. She answers by blowing out every window in the room. Glass flies everywhere and Tomasyn screams that this land is soaked with the blood of her colony and she’ll destroy all trespassers.

Okay, that would be more than enough for me, but we still haven’t found Flora! Cricket offers to help for $25K, and Matt is ready to toss him out by the seat of his pants! He heads to the door and whispers to Lee that “Emily says ‘hi’”. The next day, Lee pays the $25K. Emily was Lee’s daughter, born when she was 17. She was stolen from Lee’s car when she left to run a quick errand.

Cricket’s plan of attack is knowing all there is to know about the enemy. Tomasyn White was the wife of John White, governor of the colony. Their land of plenty was drying up. When John decided to return to England for supplies, he left his wife in charge. Soon, there were grumblings of a mutiny; the food was scarce and Tomasyn was a vicious governor, using human sacrifice in in hopes of the return of plenty. Didn’t work, though. The colony decided to banish their leader, binding her in a spiked, iron head-cage tethered to wrist shackles. Her own son, Ambrose (Wes Bently), applies the lock and Tomasyn is tossed into the woods. Lost, scared and starving, she feels close to death. The squeals of wild boar terrify her, but this night there was a squeal of pain. The SoulTaker (Lady Gaga) has come to free Tomasyn and add her soul to her collection. She promises the governor a return to power, the entire colony at her heel. The headgear falls off, and Tomasyn eats the still-beating pig-heart. She returns to the colony refreshed and restored. Soultaker promises to return Tomasyn’s power then she offers her the still-beating heart of a boar, which Tomasyn eats. Nothing like fresh pig heart! Cleaver in hand, she returns and kills every colony member. Tomasyn kneels and yields to The SoulTaker. Her throat is slit and she rejoins her colony. Now they will do her bidding! The land they claim is the land the Millers’ house is built on. This can’t be good.

American Horror Story airs on FX, Wednesdays at 10pm/9c

Shelby is running, running away from the scalped man, away from the strange forest, but still lost. There are torches glowing ahead. She peers from behind a tree. A witch (Kathy Bates) is preparing for a sacrifice. Surrounded by her followers, she speaks incantations. By the light of the torches, Shelby sees a man bound hand and foot. He’s been accused of stealing. The group places a hollowed-out pig’s head (so that’s what happened to the rest of porch pig) over his head and proceeds to bind him over a fire pit, where he’s roasted like a rotisserie chicken.

Shelby is horrified, and is spotted by the witch, who demands that her followers seize her. Scared out of her wits, she runs as fast she can, and winds up in the road, almost struck by Lee’s car. She faints and Lee takes her to the hospital. When she regains consciousness, the police come to speak with her. She tells them what she witnessed, but of course they could find nothing. Shelby is tested for hallucinogens. Matt arrives at the hospital and promises Shelby they’ll find another place to live. Shelby’s angry, she blames the hillbillies for staging an elaborate hoax (I don’t think they’re that smart) and says she will not be scared out of their home. They’ve invested too much to just walk away. What!? Shelby’s the one who didn’t like the house in the first place! Maybe she is on drugs.

Meanwhile, Lee prepares for her bi-weekly visitation with Flora, though she is uneasy about bringing her to the house. Once settled in, Flora confides in her mom about a new friend she met in the house, Prescilla (Estelle Hermansen). She tells Flora she’s tired of all the blood – never a  good thing to hear.  A window shatters in another room and Lee investigates. She finds a vase of daisies, and a bonnet scattered among the broken glass. Lee ought to exit stage-left at this point. Hasn’t enough happened already?? This house makes “Murder House” look like a five-star hotel.

That night, Matt and Shelby are awakened by the squeals of a pig. Shelby is pissed off and ready to fight for her home. She and Matt grab flashlights and head into the woods. They find the fire and what’s left of rotisserie man. They call the police and finally have some evidence of their claims. The officers grant the Millers 24-hour police protection until they can figure out what’s going on.

That night, a ringing phone wakes Matt. He runs downstairs to answer it. There’s a woman’s voice, weak and pleading for help. Matt notices the phone isn’t plugged in (c’mon, time to go) then hears voices coming from another room. He sees two nurses, sisters Bridget (Kristen Rakes) and Miranda (Maya Berko) treating an elderly patient cruelly. They accuse her of not taking her medicine and shoot her in the head. They spray paint a huge, red M on the wall. M for Margaret (Irene Roseen). They laugh and laugh. Matt runs outside to the squad car on duty, and tells the officer what’s going on in there. Of course, there’s no evidence.

The next day, Lee’s ex, Mason (Charles Malik Whitfield) comes to pick up his daughter after her visit. She’s hiding, it’s her favorite game. She’s found in a closet under the stairs, talking to Prescilla. Flora says she was going to give her favorite doll to Prescilla so she wouldn’t kill them all, saving her for last. Well, that’s all Mason needed to hear. He swears Flora won’t be coming back to that house, and he’s calling the judge about the custody agreement. This pushes Lee over the edge and she loses her sobriety. Later, Matt and Shelby find Lee liquored-up and slurring her words. Matt helps Lee to bed. Passed out in her room, she’s soon flanked on both sides by the laughing nurses. Lee is startled out of her stupor by the presence she feels in her room.She heads out into the hallway to find bloody parts of something wiggly nailed to the wall and squirming. Lee is terrified, but the bloody nightmare vanishes. She turns to face the mirror in the hallway, and sees a bloody pig-man standing behind her in her reflection. She tries to pull herself together.

Matt has joined Shelby at a downstairs window. Shelby sees a young girl across the yard. Matt sees her, too. They head outside to where the girl was standing and find a storm cellar.  It’s deep and dark, so Shelby and Matt decide to climb down the ladder. Of course they do! Down in the storm cellar, it’s clear someone made this their home. They find a video recorder and take it into the house to watch what’s been recorded. It’s the former resident of the house, and then the storm cellar, Professor Elias Cunningham (Denis O’Hare). The man is clearly scared out of his wits.Teetering on the edge of sanity, Dr. Cunningham says the forces in that house injured him and drove him out. He zooms in on an extreme close-up of the scratches on his neck. This doc’s a mess. He tells the rambling story of the nursing home where two nurses took pleasure killing their elderly charges and after leaving the nursing home, the sisters set up shop in the house so they could continue their atrocities, using the letters of the unfortunate patients’ first names to spell out MURDER, spraying each new letter on the wall.

Dr. Cunningham insists something in the house stopped them.The nurses got as far as MURDE. Eventually the wall was covered with wallpaper to make the house marketable but the letters would bleed through any attempts to cover them with paint. The doctor reacts to sounds from behind him, there are sounds of a struggle, he screams, and the tape ends. Matt finds the suspect wall, and peels the wallpaper back. MURDE is clear as day. Well, that did it; the Millers finally want out of that house. They haggle with the loan officer, wanting out of their contract and accusing him of misrepresentation. They did their homework and verified what Dr.Cunningham said on the tape. The loan officer says they took the house “as is” and there’s no way to break their contract. Okay, now the Millers are getting with the program; they’ve seen enough horror for two lifetimes. During all this, Lee takes it upon herself to go and pick up Flora. She desperately misses her daughter – enough to commit a felony. Matt  tries to reason with his sister. Mason calls the house, furious. Shelby talks him out of involving the police, and he says he’s coming to pick her up. While doing her homework, Flora sees her friend ”Prescilla” outside and goes out to meet her.  When Lee goes to get Flora ready for her father, she’s nowhere to be found. Shelby, Matt and Lee search the house, then the woods for her. Lee screams when she sees Flora’s jacket hanging from the very top of a dead pine tree. What fresh Hell is this?!

American Horror Story 6 airs on FX, Wednesdays at 10/9c

Lily Rabe returns to AHS on FX as Shelby Miller, a yoga teacher, happily married to Matt (Andre’ Holland), a pharmaceutical salesman. Rabe and Holland give a first-hand account of their experiences as Sarah Paulson and Cuba Gooding Jr. re-enact the story.

The L.A. couple, madly in love and recently pregnant, are out celebrating Matt’s promotion and the little bun in the oven. They are perfectly happy in LA. Strolling home one evening,  Shelby is pushed to the ground as Matt falls victim to the Knockout game.  Shelby loses the baby and the two decide to leave the city life of LA and move to North Carolina. They’re charmed by an empty house they find on Roanoke Island and win the auction, angering the local hillbillies.

Lot Polk (Chaz Bono!) his brother Cain, (Orson Chaplin) and Papa Polk (Grady Lee Richmond) are definitely “Deliverance” material, and they fume after being outbid by them city-folk. The auction began at $10k; that right there would raise my hackles.

Once Shelby and Matt move in and begin renovations, the fun really begins. The couple are canoodling but are interrupted by a loud thud. Matt goes downstairs to investigate. There are trash cans and debris strewn across the yard. As an added bonus, there’s a mutilated pig, dead on his doorstep. Matt has been overly protective of Shelby since she lost the baby, so he buries the pig, but doesn’t tell her about it. I would have rented a U-Haul that very night!

Matt thinks it was the the local yokels — bigots who don’t believe in interracial relationships. I don’t think they believe in toothbrushes or soap, either. The next morning Shelby hears the sound of hailstones, tap-dancing on the roof and windows. She steps out onto the patio to watch the hail fall. Her palm out to catch a few hailstones, Shelby’s horrified when she realizes it’s raining human teeth. (Get out!) When Matt gets home, Shelby tells him what happened, but when they look on the patio, there’s nothing there. Matt chalks it up to stress from the miscarriage. He has to leave town on business, and Shelby insists she’ll be fine alone. She looks forward to some time alone, a break from overprotective Matt. Later that evening, she pours herself a glass of wine and heads out to the hot tub. A relaxing soak turns to terror when something forces Shelby underwater. As she struggles, she sees a shadowy figure and torches circling  the hot tub. (Get OUT!) As soon as she’s free she calls the police and Matt, who races home.The police see no sign of any torches or footprints around the tub and seem a bit skeptical of Shelby’s story. Matt asks his sister, Lee (Angela Bassett) to stay with Shelby while he’s out of town. Shelby and Lee don’t like each other, but try to get along for Matt’s sake.

Lee (whose story is narrated by Adina Porter) was a police officer, with a degree in Criminal Psychology. After being wounded on the job, Lee became addicted to pain pills. Her addiction ended her marriage and limited custody of her daughter. She works hard at maintaining her sobriety and asks Shelby not to drink while she stays with her. Before leaving town, Matt installs a security system that he can monitor what’s going on using his cell.

That night, Lee’s awakened by the sound of an empty wine bottle rolling into her room.  She accuses Shelby, who swears it wasn’t her doing. Noises in the house draw the women down to the cellar. There’s a television on, a disturbing videotape playing, showing someone in terror. The power goes out, and Lee and Shelby are spooked enough to stay in the basement. On his phone, Matt sees the house, and people walking through the yard carrying torches. He races home. So, how ‘bout that U-Haul?

When the women go back upstairs, they find vines of twine woven up the spiral staircase. There are straw figures and rudimentary crosses woven in. Once Matt arrives, Shelby shows him what she and Lee found. Matt chalks it up to the locals trying to scare them out of the house.

Shelby is furious that Matt isn’t taking things seriously and drives off into the night.  Another great idea! Matt calls Shelby’s cell repeatedly, but she drives on. Reaching for her phone, her momentary distraction causes her to hit a woman in the road. Shelby jumps out to see if she’s injured, but the woman takes off into the woods. Shelby grabs her flashlight and runs after her. Shelby runs until she’s lost her way. In the trees above, she sees the same twine vines with the straw figures and continues running. She falls on the ground and it begins heaving under her. A scalped and bloody man falls in front of her. Something is chasing him. Shelby screams and screams.  We end Chapter 1. I’m looking forward to Chapter 2. I love the idea of using historical facts to crank up the terror.

To this day, no one knows what happened to those colonists in 1590.

American Horror Story : “Roanoke” airs on FX Wednesdays at 10/9c

It’s the finale for American Horror Story: Hotel  and Special Contributor Tracey M. reports that Iris and Liz have the power, Sally shakes the blues, and John and his family make some final adjustments. Read on for her recap! – David F.

It’s a new day at the Hotel Cortez. Iris and Liz are running the show. By selling Countess Elizabeth’s art collection, they funded needed renovations and  hope the improvements attract the paying guests they need. 

A skeptical looking couple check in, nosing about the dated lobby. Iris recognizes them as Jo and Mitch from Trip Adventurers, an online travel site. The hotel managers grin at the man and woman till it hurts, in hopes of a favorable review. Iris offers champagne and Liz graciously shows them to one of the refurbished rooms. It’s bright and modern, done in shades of white. Liz leaves them to explore their room. They’re pleasantly surprised by the modern decor and amenities. The next surprise isn’t so pleasant, though. It’s Sally, sitting on their bed, telling them horrific details about the hotel’s history. They ask her to leave, but she just sits there, toying with a hypodermic needle.The couple are outraged, and Mitch moves to put Sally out. She stabs the hypodermic full of air into his heart, ‘Night, Mitch. Jo runs down the hall screaming for help. She runs into Will Drake who gives her his most charming smile before plunging a dagger into her neck. Welcome to Hotel Cortez! 

Iris is frustrated that Sally and Will keep killing their guests. Liz calls all souls together for a long-overdue meeting. Everyone besides Countess Elizabeth is in attendance. Surprisingly, James March is also frustrated by the never-ending carnage. He suggests Sally and Will find another way to entertain themselves. Will just smirks. It’s not his fault that he’s dead and bored. Sally laughs – she makes it clear she’ll do what she damn well pleases. March reminds her she can be kept in line by the Addiction Demon, if necessary. Not so funny now, is it, Sally? A bad reputation would be a sure death sentence for the Cortez. March demands that everyone stay on their best behavior until the hotel is 100 years old in 2026, when the Cortez becomes a protected historical landmark. In the meantime, it could be sold or even demolished, and then what would become of all of them?

Liz and Iris get creative in keeping the problem children busy. Iris gives Sally a smart phone and sets her up with every existing type of social media. Sally is intrigued, then dives right in to share her thoughts and feelings with people everywhere. And they respond! She starts writing music again, and Liz performs her songs online. With so much attention and support, Sally will never feel alone again. It’s nice to see Sally smile. Even better to see her throw her “works” out the window.

Liz approaches Will about continuing his clothing line. She knows he still has the passion despite all his pouting. Liz becomes his legal representative, and the new face of Will Drake Fashion. When his investors want to meet with him, they do so at the Cortez. Will starts putting on fashion shows again with his fellow spirits as the models. Despite the positive changes at the Cortez, Iris senses a lingering sadness in Liz and surprises her with a visit from renowned psychic, Billie Dean Howard (Sarah Paulson). Iris is hoping Billie (who worked for Jessica Lange‘s Constance Langdon in Season 1) can reach Tristan.

The psychic walks around Liz’s room, sensing a spirit is near. Thinking it must be Tristan, Iris is surprised when Donovan comes through instead. Liz is very happy for her dear friend, but can’t understand why Tristan won’t communicate with her. Billie’s spidey-sense is tingling and she sees an opportunity to cash in on the hotel’s history. She spends lots of time filming at the hotel, trying to reach the Ten Commandments killer, and creating quite the buzz.

Some years before, John was struggling to keep his crimes and his family private. He would bring home bodies when he could, and Alex would steal blood from the hospital to supplement their diet. Alex and Holden ate a lot of dog. A wise Scarlett convinced the family to move back into the hotel, where they were safe. Scarlett was enrolled in the same boarding school as Lachlan, and had regular visitations at the hotel.      

One night when John was out on a hunt for blood, he was suddenly surrounded by police cruisers. The subsequent shootout left him dead, just a few feet shy of the hotel’s entrance. Bummer. Now he can only see his family on October 30th, Devil’s night.

Billie has gotten wind of Devil’s night, and has been invited to attend. The one condition-no camera crew. John greets Billie in the hotel lobby. She can’t believe they are finally face to face. John leads her to the festivities. She recognizes everyone there. She sees the notorious March, as well as Gacy and Dahmer. Wuornos and Ramirez arrive shortly after and the faceless Zodiac broods in the corner. Billie is handed a glass of absinthe, the traditional drink for this night of nights. She ends up restrained in a chair. The group laughs and they circle her, weapons flashing. John warns her to never enter the Cortez, or mention it on television again, or they will end her. Billie laughs. They’re just ghosts, how could they hurt her? Ramona slithers in, and lets Billie know that she will be the one coming for her if necessary. A wobbly Billie makes her exit, stage right.

Liz calls for another meeting in her room. She has inoperable prostate cancer that has spread to her spine, and doesn’t have much time left. She doesn’t want to die a pitiful mess in a hospital or as a burden to her son and his family. Ramona had offered her the gift a few times, but Liz would never accept. She wouldn’t be able to kill to live. She wants her friends by her side to help her transition. She wants them to be together forever. She has spread various weapons on her bed for them to choose from. Liz lies down, surrounded by Sally, Marcy, Will, Iris, Jo, Mitch, the Swedish sisters and even Miss Evers, despite all his puffery, March can’t banish anybody from the hotel. Sally has a syringe in hand when Countess Elizabeth enters. No one has seen her since her death, aside from March. She offers to help Liz transition one more time. After all, The Countess accepted Liz and helped her accept herself; Elizabeth thinks it’s only right that she be the one. Liz’s beautiful green eyes are shining with tears of gratitude. There are tears all around. The Countess gently cradles Liz’s head, and with a quick motion, uses her sharpened index blade to make a clean cut across Liz’s throat. Later, Liz stands looking at her ruined body on the bed. She lights a cigarette and hears a familiar voice admonishing against the deadly habit. Liz turns around; it’s her beloved Tristan. Yay!

Now that The Countess has come out of hiding, she spends lots of time at the hotel bar, dressed to the nines and whetting her appetite for pretty boys. 

This is where we end our stay at the Cortez. All is as it should be.

American Horror Story: Hotel is back and the twists get deeper according to Special Contributor Tracey M.  Liz and Iris help Ramona with an impromptu makeover; Sally puts things together; and Scarlett and her family are adjusting to their reunion. Read on for more.  – David F.

Rewind to Liz and Iris preparing for battle. They barge into Countess Elizabeth’s suite, guns blazing, intent on ending her reign over The Cortez. Donovan, still in love with Elizabeth, jumps in front of her, trying in vain to shield her from the bullets. Iris orders Liz to stop, Donovan’s been hit. He begs his mother to make sure he’s out of the Cortez before he dies. Iris and Liz manage to get him off the property, where he thanks his mom with his last breath. Liz reminds Iris they have no time to spare. Somehow, the Countess got away. Liz is eager to find and finish her before she can regain her strength.

Sally has taken the Countess down in the basement where the many chutes deposit the unfortunate. With flies buzzing in the background, Sally begins removing bullets with her fingers as Elizabeth screams in agony. Sally tries to comfort her. Always handy with a needle, she stitches Elizabeth’s wounds.

Seems Sally’s Crazy goes way back, before she ever entered The Cortez. While sewing up the Countess, she reminisces about the past. Back in 1993, she wrote music for a popular grunge duo. The three did everything together, so one night they checked into The Cortez to party. It was an epic orgy of sex and heroin. Sally suggested they stay close to each other–always. While her partners were nodding out, Sally stitched their bodies to hers. Now that’s close! She woke to find both foaming at the mouth, overdosing. She says that was when the Addiction Demon first visited, tormenting her for five days in that Hell, until she could no longer bear it. She ripped herself away from the corpses, screaming as the deep stitches popped.

The Countess is not healing as quickly as Sally hoped. She makes Elizabeth swear to never leave her, lamenting that everybody leaves her. Elizabeth asks for Donovan. Surely, his blood would accelerate her healing. Sally breaks the sad news of his death, and recommends using Elizabeth’s “children”. As the transfusion begins, the heartbroken Countess tearfully clutches the two children to her. Sally tells the Countess she needs her help to get John back into the hotel. March’s masterpiece needs just one more display, a murderer. Um, we still haven’t addressed that mattress-stuffing, Sally!

Liz knocks at Iris’ door to find Iris has been crying. Using the hotel’s large furnace, Liz has cremated Donovan, and presents a large coffee can to Iris. She thanks Liz and asks to be alone with him. She pours the ashes on the bed and pours her heart out to her son. Miss Evers is summoned for clean-up. Iris is covered in ashes, she asks Miss Evers to vacuum up the rest. She goes up to the hotel roof, and the wind blows Donovan’s ashes away as she stares out at the world.

At Hotel Cortez, Liz decides to enlist Ramona’s help. Iris fears they both will be eaten alive as soon as the door is opened, but they continue on into the hidden hallway. They stare in confused disbelief at all of the small bodies John and Alex left there. They see poor Will Drake there, too. Ramona steps out of the shadows, extra hangry. As Liz and Iris back away from her (this hunger is not going to be fixed by a Snickers bar) they promise to bring some fresh blood.

Like a gift from below, a young woman checks into the Cortez that evening. She excitedly explains that she’s going to be on a popular game show the next day. Liz recognizes her as one of the witches she saw in a recent a news story. Welcome back Queenie from Season 3, (Gabourey Sidibe) glad to know the coven is still thriving! She suspects something isn’t right, but heads to her room anyway. Ramona slips into Queenie’s room, licking her chops. The women battle, Queenie using her Human-Voodoo-Doll powers to inflict wounds on Ramona by injuring herself. Queenie and Ramona are beating themselves senseless. It seems Ramona’s down for the count until James March steps in and turns Queenie into an easy meal. Ramona greedily tears into Queenie, as her strength surges back.

Back at home, Alex and John embrace Scarlett, doing their best to explain the new circumstances. Scarlett is worried how they will explain that Holden will never change. John and Alex try to reassure her and John heads out to get some “medicine” for Alex and Holden.

John returns with some takeout. He pulls into his driveway and checks on the young man bound in the trunk of his car. Then he walks into to his house, calling for his family and sees a key tag from The Cortez hanging from a light fixture. He rushes to the hotel, fearing for his family’s safety. The key leads to Sally’s room, where she’s waiting on the bed. She reminds him that he hasn’t finished what he promised James March. She says his family will be safe once he keeps his promise. John needs a murderer and he knows exactly where to find one.

Liz’s eyes sparkle a deeper green. She envies the way Ramona fills out one of her dresses: the blood of a witch is a magical elixir. Ramona’s hair is flowing, almost alive and she’s glowing. Urged by Liz and Iris, she enters the Countess’ suite, but knows she can’t count on the element of surprise as the Countess recognizes the smell of her blood from their time as lovers. The women banter. Elizabeth tries to apologize to Ramona for the years of suffering she caused. She offers Ramona the Hotel Cortez. She wants to take Bartholomew and leave. She asks Ramona to make love with her once more before escaping.

Bags packed, The Countess takes the elevator to the lobby and steps out directly in front of John’s gun. He fires until she falls to the floor. Countess Elizabeth’s head is the final display in March’s macabre museum. March compliments John’s creativity, while Sally sneaks up and stabs at John. She’d love for him to be with her in the hotel forever. March stops her, saying he has great plans for John. He threatens Sally with the addiction demon to keep her in line. John pushes away from March and Sally, demanding to see his family.

Miss Evers is disgusted to find James preparing for dinner with Elizabeth. She admits to James that she has always loved him, but he never noticed her or appreciated her loyalty. Elizabeth arrives and Miss Evers scoffs at her. James declares that it’s finally time to forgive Elizabeth for turning him in to the police. Elizabeth is confused. Miss Evers speaks up and admits that she called the police. All she wanted was to be with James for eternity. She loves him and begs him to see what she means to him. James banishes her from the hotel forever. After a moment, Miss Evers feels a great sense of freedom, telling James she’s glad she’ll not have to wait on him and his whore any longer. Elizabeth sits across from him, clearly miserable, now forever a part of Hotel Cortez. James toasts to their eternity together. Elizabeth chokes down her wine. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

The Season Finale of American Horror Story: Hotel Airs Wednesday on FX at 10/9c

This week on AHS: Hotel, Alex and John find common ground; Donovan handles his jealousy poorly, and Liz and Iris dream up a scheme. Special Contributor Tracey M. gives you the lowdown in this recap. – David F.

Another tidbit in the history of Hotel Cortez. Over the years, Liz Taylor has seen the occasional doomed couple check in for one last night together, to say goodbye the way they choose. One partner might be ill, and neither wants to live without the other, so they commit double suicide, joined together forever.

She shows an elderly couple to their room this night, lingering a moment before heading back to the front desk. She knows the wife has cancer, and it’s spread. Her husband won’t survive without her and this is how they want to celebrate their last wedding anniversary.

After a while, Liz and Iris take a trip up to the couples’ room. Liz says that seeing them lying there side by side is so beautiful. Iris just sees a big mess to clean up – they used revolvers! Liz starts to cry. She feels cheated; life is nothing without Tristan and she will never find love again. Liz grabs one of the couple’s revolvers but Iris quickly grabs it, reminding her that if she dies in The Cortez, she will be stuck there forever. Iris says she, too, has been let down. Donovan, her son, her one true love, doesn’t love her. She suggests they take care of their final affairs, and end it all together.

John is in March’s macabre museum with Sally. She’s draped over his shoulder like a shawl. Newly added to the collection are some ears. Sally gushes to John how brilliant he is, how skillful; the ears are the perfect result of listening to false gods. She says they’re almost home.

Later, Liz makes a deal with Miss Evers. She wants to see her son one last time to try to explain her 31 year absence. Miss Evers calls the young man and arranges a week at the hotel as his father’s guest. Keeping her end of the bargain, Liz hands Miss Evers a large bottle of oxygen-powered detergent. It promises radiant whites, and Miss Evers is tickled pink. She says it’s like Christmas morning! Ah,the joys of stain removal.

Donovan is in a rage and decides to confront Rudy in his motel room. He barges in claiming that he’s the best man for the Countess. They argue back and forth until Rudy is pushed to his limit and draws his sword (yes, sword). Donovan laughs at his attempt. He hates Rudy’s face, because it’s his face and just like the face of his replacement, Tristan. In fact, all of Elizabeth’s men were Rudy substitutes. Donovan pulls a gun, laughs, and fires directly into Rudy’s head. He fires until Rudy’s face is no longer recognizable. He doesn’t want the Countess mourning over that face.

March is holding the contractor captive. He can’t send this man home with knowledge of that hallway.The man is restrained and gleefully set on fire by March. As the killer flames die down, John bursts in demanding to know Alex’s whereabouts. March says that spouses just get in the way of important work, nonetheless March arranges an early meeting over tea for the estranged couple.

Listening to John and Alex, we finally learn Scarlet is safe at her grandmother’s house. Both parents feel guilty for not spending any time with her. Alex says that she and Holden have both changed, they are different than he remembers. Alex is scared, and tells the story of how she saved Max and resulting plague of junior vamps he created. The Countess has given Alex one chance to fix her mistake, or she and Holden will die. 

Meanwhile, in her suite, The Countess faces off against Natasha. The girlfight morphs into angry accusations. Natasha scoffs at Elizabeth. She says Rudy only used her and doesn’t really love her. The Countess makes short work of Natasha by blowing her brains out. Some girls’ night out, eh?

That evening, a nervous Liz strikes up a conversation at the bar with a new hotel guest – her son, Douglas. He admires Liz’s dress and they chat for hours. Douglas says his wife wants to move to Boulder, Colorado, and start a business, something Liz encourages. He adds that he is at the Cortez to meet with his father, whom he hasn’t seen in years. Douglas leaves the bar and Liz tells him to stop by anytime. She couldn’t muster the courage to tell her son the truth. She watches him walk away with tears in her eyes.

John and Alex return to the house where the rogue children roost. The children scramble from the shadows, showing John and Alex that they are clearly out numbered. Young Kimmie collapses, seizing and foaming at the mouth. Max panics as Alex tries in vain to save her. Alex promises that she has a way to help the rest of them, if they’ll go to the Cortez. Once there, Alex tells them to go into the one room in the sealed hallway until she can get them something to eat. John pushes the last boy in and slams the door. The children realize they’ve been tricked, and search the hallway for any possible escape. They discover what’s left of Will Drake’s body, and meet a bloody-faced Ramona. She smiles. “Mama smells appetizers!” Well, she did say she wouldn’t starve.

The Countess has summoned the police to investigate Will Drake’s “disappearance”. As we know, no one really dies in Hotel Cortez, but the Countess is still a bit shocked when Will walks in, apologizing for worrying his new bride. He says he got lost in the new wing of the hotel. He kisses her cheek as the police take their leave, then Will and the Countess head to her suite to hash things out. She tells him he got what he deserved for disrespecting her son. He asks her where his body is. He reminds her she’s not in his will, if that’s her motivation. She laughs at Will; Lachlan is the sole heir, and she is now his legal guardian. She muses that she could always make Lachlan a “blood” relative and suggests that he go check on his son and shuts the door to her suite in his face.

Later John and Alex reconnect and make love. Alex likes the changes she sees in John, but can’t yet say she’s into staying married. She slips out of bed to check on the children. Once Alex is out of sight, Sally pops up to claim her man. She is one pissed kitty and gets in John’s face demanding to know if she’s just some whore to him. She kisses him roughly and leads him back to the bed, but he fights her off. Sally hisses that Alex will never accept the fact that he’s the Ten Commandments Killer and reminds him that Alex didn’t want him. Sally runs at John with a knife, but he wrestles her to the floor and steps away. She screams after him that he’ll be back, and shudders. She senses the Addiction Demon is close by. John had better finish March’s masterpiece.

Liz is at the bar with Douglas again, struggling with telling him that she is his father. She begins to tell him, but Douglas interrupts. He puts his hand over Liz’s and says “I know, Dad. You don’t have to explain.” He tells her there’s always room for another woman in his life. Liz cries tears of gratitude as her son accepts and welcomes her with open arms.

I got a bit choked up myself!

Donovan and the Countess are seated for a meal. She tells him how she watched the monitors and saw Will being eaten alive by Ramona. She’d like Donovan see to it that Ramona’s back in the iron maiden and she’d like Will’s body moved before it becomes a problem. He says since he’s cleaning up her mess, she can clean up his mess. The Countess is confused, fear creeping into her eyes. He sarcastically suggests she text or, even better, Facetime her boyfriend, Rudy.  Elizabeth hurries to Rudy’s motel. She collapses in grief when she sees what Donovan has done to him.

Liz is walking on air in a lovely, flowing royal blue peignoir and heads to Iris’ room. Iris has made a memorial video for after her death, and set it to music. She’s also put together an arsenal of suicide choices on her bed. The glowing Liz now wants to live and be a part of her son’s life. Iris is bummed, she was all set to go. Liz implores Iris to stay with her so they can make their mark. Iris begins loading her gun as Liz keeps cheering her on to greater things.

Alex brings John to see Holden. John can’t believe what he sees. He holds Holden in his arms, crying tears of joy. John and Alex decide to take Holden home, where it’s safer for all of them. From the catwalk above, Sally screams after John, but he keeps walking with his family until they are out of the Cortez. Sally keeps screaming.

The Countess finds Donovan in his room, bopping to Drake’s Hotline Bling. Doesn’t everyone do that after blowing off someone’s face? She tells him that she’s been looking for Rudy for close to 100 years and she didn’t know that he’d been in the Cortez all that time. She admits to Donovan that she’s been trying to duplicate Rudy all along and knew Donovan’s ego couldn’t handle her loving someone else. Now that the Countess wants him dead, Donovan falls to his knees, saying his death is the only way he can love her. Huh? Before the conversation can continue, Iris and Liz bust in gangsta-style, guns blazing in slo-mo, no less, with Donovan and Elizabeth squarely in their path of mayhem.

American Horror Story: Hotel returns to FX January 6 at 10/9c

The Countess shows us a nifty way to utilize a sealed hallway, and Donovan and Ramona put their plans to the test. Alex is horrified by the chaos she’s caused. Read on to find out more about the latest American Horror Story: Hotel in Special Contributor Tracey M.’s recap. – David F. 

The shock of discovering the sealed hallway has left the Countess quite shaken. With curiosity getting the better of her, the Countess has finally summoned the courage to investigate the sealed hallway. Flashlight in hand, she walks into an open room and finds dusty, old suitcases. Inside, there are both Rudy Valentino’s and Natasha Rambova’s clothes, and many photos of happier times. The Countess puts Rudy’s jacket on, still missing him, still feeling the pain of waiting at the train station all those years ago. Over 100 years old, the Countess decides it’s time to take care of herself, and she decides to use the space to exact her revenge. She hires a contractor to install a security door over the front of the hallway and security cameras inside. During the consultation, James comes along and assures Elizabeth she’ll get what she wants. She is furious with James, slapping his face and telling him she never wants to see him again. He pouts that he so looks forward to their monthly rendezvous. Then she hires a private investigator and gives him a photo of Rudy.

Will and The Countess discuss their upcoming wedding. Instead of the crowds of celebrities that surround Will Drake, the Countess insists they keep their ceremony simple. Her only request for the event is fresh Lilies of the Valley. After killing Tristan, she has the nerve to ask Liz to order her flowers. Liz basically gives her a “Bitch, please! Buy your own damn flowers!”. She is smoldering inside and hurting.

A couple of days before the wedding, it looks like Donovan has charmed his way back into Hotel Cortez and the Countess’ bed. After a lively romp, they devise a plan to exact her revenge. It seems the Countess has taken Donovan back. She tells him of her upcoming marriage to Will Drake. Donovan is shocked, but the Countess assures him she will be widowed soon after the ceremony.They make a pact to be true to one another, and then get rid of her enemies and they make love. Again.

The Countess discovers that Bartholomew is out of his room again, and demands Iris tell her who keeps letting him out. Iris says she thinks it’s Ramona Royale, to take any suspicion off herself. She doesn’t want the Countess to discover that she’s in cahoots with Ramona and Donovan. Later, at the front desk, she checks in a sleazy cameraman and his two porn stars. Back in the 80’s, the Cortez became a popular spot for filming porn. Iris has always been aware of what goes on in the hotel. It didn’t bother her in the past; she’s seen plenty of porn before. (>gasp< Iris!) The newly invigorated Iris is kicking ass and taking names. About an hour after the sleazy trio check in, Iris marches up to their room, cutting the throat of the cameraman, and stabbing the “starlet” in the heart. The film’s stud flees naked into the bathroom with a shriek. Donovan is walking down the hallway and hears the commotion. He sees Iris is at work, and mother and son embrace. She is worried that he’s in the hotel, but he tells her he is safe; he and the Countess have mended their relationship. Iris tells her son he is a fool to trust the Countess. He tells her everything will be fine, and takes the porno stud with him to Ramona’s house.

After presenting Ramona with the porno-stud, a vampire version of a bottle of wine, Donovan tells her that he and the Countess are back together. He’s now able to work from the inside to advance their plan. He says that with her impending wedding to Drake, the Countess will be distracted.  

Ramona drains some blood from the unfortunate actor, and pours two glasses. She shares her tale of how lost she was after the Countess killed her beloved. She couldn’t bear the loneliness and went home to her parents after not seeing them for 10 years. She grew concerned by their deterioration. After her mother passed away, her father’s Alzheimer’s worsened. One night, left alone, her father was gravely injured during a burglary. As he clung to life, Ramona slit her wrist and shared her gift with him. Sadly, the gift did nothing to help his Alzheimer’s. He was completely dependent on Ramona for the next 20 years. She came home one night to discover two corpses, and her dad just staring at the television, blood dribbling down his chin. She could no longer bear to see him so diminished. After giving him some Xanax, she put him in the bathtub, and ended his suffering. After her father passed, Ramona opened her eyes to the changes in the world around her. Her memories of what she had lost came back to her in a rush. All of those old feelings. Now she is hell-bent on destroying the Countess. She and Donovan toast to revenge.

Alex returns to her old neighborhood, to find her house full of vampire children and chewed bodies. They’re Max’s creations. Some of the children are sick. They can’t bear to drink blood and are weakening. She knows she was wrong to save Max the way she did, and now the “gift” is spreading like the plague. Stepping over a dead pizza delivery guy, she tries to convince the children to go with her to the Hotel Cortez for safety. She tells them there are others like them at the hotel. They ask her to leave, and when she refuses, they storm out. Hindsight is 20/20, eh, Alex? And where the heck is Scarlet?

Back in the Cortez again, Ramona approaches a sleeping Countess, knife drawn. Donovan encourages her to get closer then knocks Ramona out with a taser to the neck. He puts Ramona into a steel cage in the sealed hallway. Iris is there beside Donovan and is horrified to see him putting Ramona into one of the steel cages. Donovan points out the surrounding surveillance cameras and explains the Countess wants to watch her enemies suffer. She warns him again that he’s making a big mistake, but Donovan isn’t thinking with his “big” brain. Ramona awakes and also shouts after Donovan that he is a fool to think the Countess will let him live.  

Thanks to some sleuthing by the private investigator, The Countess has finally located Rudy Valentino at a motel out of town. She knocks on the door, he opens it and she is immediately in his arms. It’s like they were never apart. Elizabeth wants to be with him. Only him. She plans to use Will’s money to transform the Cortez into their own private fortress against the modern world.  Rudy asks what Natasha’s role will be. Elizabeth explains she wants Rudy all to herself. She loved Natasha because he did. Rudy swears he would be okay if something were to happen to Natasha as long as he has Elizabeth to comfort him. Natasha breezes in from shopping, glad to see Elizabeth, her “little mouse”. Elizabeth invites her to the Cortez for a girls’ night. Who’s the mouse now, Natasha?

Will Drake’s wedding to the Countess is underway. When asked if there’s any reason the two should not be wed, their only witness, Liz Taylor speaks up, stating “Yes, because she’s a bitch with no conscience, no mercy, no soul”. A bit embarrassed, the Countess laughs off Liz’s remarks, suggesting that she’s drunk. The justice of the peace pronounces them husband and wife. They share a rather chaste kiss, and the Countess says unconvincingly how happy she is to be Mrs. Will Drake. Lachlan excuses himself and the Countess tells Will she will change into her travelling clothes while he begins celebrating at the bar. Liz is left standing alone with the Countess. She slowly approaches Liz, and hands her the bouquet. Her green eyes flash with anger and tears. The Countess tells Liz that she hopes she finds true love one day. Then she heads upstairs to change out of her gown.

James March meets Will at the bar, and recommends a toast to his good fortune. James commends Will on taking on a blended family, but he’s not talking about Lachlan. James takes Will to room 33, where he is freaked out by the bawling horror that is Bartholomew. He’s disgusted, and overheard by the Countess. She says she’s disappointed that Will won’t embrace her son the way she did Lachlan. For that, he will die, but he must suffer first. That puts a gleam in March’s eye, and Will is knocked unconscious. He awakens next to Ramona’s cage, and she warns him of their fate. She begs him to free her. He opens her cage, and leaves the room. They are sealed in the hallway with no exit. Will begins to panic. He screams for help. He tells Ramona they will starve, but she has no intention of starving. Ramona is on him like a cat. Miss Evers is there, watching and smiling, as the surveillance cameras capture it all. The Countess watches from her bed, thoroughly enjoying her wedding night.

American Horror Story airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on FX

This week on American Horror Story: Hotel, Special Contributor Tracey M. looks in on the show where we find out that John Lowe is crazy as a fox as he gets closer to finding the Ten Commandments Killer and resident addict Sally helps us understand why she needs streak-proof mascara. – David F.

When we last saw Det. John Lowe, he was watching in horror as Wren stepped out into traffic, ending her immortality. Slowly, he approaches her body. There’s something familiar about Wren’s face. Suddenly John realizes where he saw her – at the Cortez in a glass coffin! He rushes to the hotel. Wren had said sometimes she would help the killer. The Cortez must be somehow be connected to the serial killings.

Liz Taylor is working the front desk today. She’s silently crying and dabbing at her eye make-up. Nevertheless, she keeps her dignity. John bursts in and grabs Liz by the shoulders. He screams in her face accusing all of them of covering for the killer and lying to him over and over. Liz slams John up against the wall and makes it clear that if he grabs her again, she will cut his throat in his sleep. It’s never a good idea to mess with Liz. Kitty has claws.

Sally is in the lobby and offers to help John find some of the answers he seeks. Liz hands John a gun (that would be the last thing I would hand him), suggesting he’ll need it if he finds what he’s looking for. Sally takes John to room 64, the former office and death site of James March. Sally promises there are answers behind the door, though she suggests going for a drink instead. John searches through the dark room, gun drawn. Sally tells John to look behind the armoire. He pulls it away from the wall and finds a vault. John opens the heavy door and is horrified to see it’s filled with displays of body parts under glass. They’re grotesque trophies, each jar labeled with the broken commandment it represents. Hearts and tongues, vocal cords, hands, teeth, a spleen, a brain, eyes. March’s work was never completed. John is shocked and horrified by the display, and asks Sally who let this maniac into the hotel. Sally tells him the killer has a key. Images swirl before his eyes, flashes of crime scenes, broken bodies, vague memories of brutal violence. And so much blood.

He sees himself covered in blood and allowing Miss Evers, always the diligent laundress, to help him off with his shirt. Sally sadly admits to John that it’s him, He is the Ten Commandments killer and she promises him his work is almost done. He shouts that it’s impossible! His knees buckle as Sally tries to comfort him. The dude is pretty messed up: he’s been chasing his own tail the whole time.

We go back to 2010, to the discovery of the unfortunate asphyxiation family. John goes to a local bar to try to drink away the images of those children. By closing time, he’s half-cocked but not ready to call it a night. John heads to the bar at the Cortez, and continues his bender. Donovan’s there and at last call he approaches John, suggesting there’s an afterparty he should attend.

James March has just sat down for his monthly dinner with the Countess in suite 78. The shrill doorbell has James March livid and ranting comically in his 1930’s-style staccato, incensed that his monthly dinner with the Countess has been interrupted. Donovan brings John in and March sees something he likes. The Countess is licking her chops as well, but March excuses Donovan and the Countess so he can speak with John alone. He wants to hear every gory detail John can remember from his work as a detective. March is fascinated. They drink absinthe and John’s glass is never empty. March prods John, wondering if he ever has the desire to hurt perpetrators. Days pass as John and James continue to talk in the timeless Cortez. March likes the darkness he sees in John but thinks John needs a little push to send him over the edge. He enlists the Countess to abduct Holden so John can reach his “full potential”.

John wakes two days later in his car, in front of his house. Alex is angry with him, but he promises he’ll take the family to the ill-fated carnival trip where Holden goes missing. For the next few years, John finds solace at the Cortez with March. And with Sally. She and John become lovers. March enlists Sally to keep tabs on John. He wants John to finish his masterpiece. Although it breaks Sally’s heart, she must make sure John completes March’s work. She made that bargain with March to keep the Addiction Demon (that weird, rapey creature we encountered in the first episode) away from her. James tells John he can see the pain he’s carrying around with him.

He visits March on the day that would have been Holden’s 10th birthday. March shows him photos of a young boy of about 10. A suspicious looking man had recently checked out of the Cortez leaving polaroids of the young boy behind. John finds his name in the hotel register and tracks him down. The man has an Oscar for sale on Craigslist, so he lets John in. John proceeds to show him the photos then beats him to death with said statue. It’s the same statue that’s later logged in as evidence at the police station. John’s immediately remorseful, and heads back to the hotel and tries hanging himself in a bathroom. March cuts him down just in time.

A haggard and unsteady John tries baring his soul at the morgue, over Wren’s body. He’s trying to confess his crimes to his partner, Andy Hahn, but Andy doesn’t believe him. He tells John he hasn’t been the same since Holden’s disappearance, and he needs time off, and therapy. Andy says that Alex met with him for coffee because she was so worried about him. John has embraced the crazy, accuses Hahn of wanting Alex, and kills him there in the morgue. Paper bag in hand, John heads back to the Cortez, and Iris is at the desk. She’s relieved that John now knows the truth about himself — she was never sure who she was speaking to. John heads up to room 64 and adds Andy’s penis to March’s trophy case; thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Got it?!

Only two more commandments are left to complete, and James and John toast their masterpiece.

American Horror Story: Hotel Airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on FX

As the Cortez undergoes renovation, Will finds there’s more to the hotel than he bargained for.  John decides to have his head examined, and the Countess’ heart is broken by Mr. March. Special Contributor Tracey M. gives us the scoop on the horror hotel in her latest recap.

Builders have begun the massive renovations Will Drake has in mind. He struts around with his son, Lachlan overseeing the progress. Will asks Lachlan how he would feel if he and the Countess stayed together forever. Smart-ass Lachlan reminds Will that he is gay. Thanks kid! Will counters that life can be complicated for adults, so Lachlan gives his okay. They are stopped in the hallway by the foreman; there’s a big problem with Will’s plans. While workers swing sledgehammers and take down walls, they come upon a one-inch thick plate of steel, from floor to ceiling.

Will says he has no time for delays, so he orders the workers to cut through and see why it’s been blocked off (I think I’d tell him to do it himself). Using a blowtorch to gain access, two workers step through the hole. It’s a hidden hallway, all of the doorways and exits cemented shut. The air is stale and rancid. Against their better judgement, the workers venture down the hall and are set upon by two ancient and very thirsty vampires who quickly drain them of their blood.

After attacking a co worker, John has decided to check into a psychiatric facility. He says he thinks he is cracking up and needs to know why. His decision to check into the facility has an ulterior motive. It’s where he feels he can ferret out information about the serial killer undisturbed. Playing a little crazy-possum, eh, John? That evening, John manages to knock out the guard, grabs his keys to the restricted wing and unlocks a secured room to meet a young girl, Wren (Jessica Belkin). She’s being held for refusing to reveal why she was present during a recent murder at a local TV station. She says she’s been present at other serial murders, too, providing details only the killer would know. She says she helps sometimes. After all, a girl’s gotta eat. Quenching her thirst disgusts her, and that thirst is endless. Immortality has been just horrible for Wren.

She was raised by her booze-soaked ne’er do well father. He would tell her he couldn’t wait until she grew up. The way he looked at her made her wish she’d never grow up. It made her feel sick. One exceptionally hot summer, Wren was left out in the car while her father went into the Cortez to tie one on. Wren was drenched in sweat when the Countess found her and rescued her from her father and growing up. Wren says she can take John to the killer if he can free them. Um, John, you’re listening to a truly messed up kid.

Iris rushes to tell the Countess about the newly discovered hallway. She follows Iris in and sees the two dead workers on the floor. Iris remarks that whoever killed those men must have been starving and the Countess is clearly shaken by Iris’ statement.

The ancients drain real estate agent Marcy (Christine Estabrook) who was taking advantage of the free weekend Will Drake offered her as a ‘thank you’. That’s gratitude for you. Revitalized, the ancients gasp and stretch, the fresh blood reviving their wrinkled, emaciated bodies. (Immortality isn’t all it’s cracked up to be). They are covered in blood and furious about how many years they’ve lost. They want retribution, and feast on hotel guests until they’re adequately restored.

Flash back to 1925, to a lavish Hollywood movie set. Leading man, Rudolph Valentino (Finn Wittrock) is quite taken with the lovely young Elizabeth. Long before becoming the Countess, Elizabeth was a star-struck, struggling young actor. On the set, Valentino stares at her often. She’s an extra, one of the many harem-girls and concubines. He sends a note to her, inviting her to his home for dinner.

She’s thrilled, flattered and nervous. He is delighted when she shows up at his door. He calls her his “Bellissima”. He invites Elizabeth to pasa doble with him. Soon, Rudy’s wife, Natasha, slinks down the stairs and joins in the dance. Rudy and Natasha take turns kissing Elizabeth and entice her to join them upstairs. Before long, the three lovers become inseparable. It’s fantastic to see Finn Wittrock reincarnated. He morphs from recently doomed Tristan into Valentino superbly, from his accent to his appearance.

A glowing Elizabeth and her gal pal head to the grand opening of the Hotel Cortez. Music is playing and a multitude of glasses are clinking. James March pops champagne and locks eyes with Elizabeth. The celebration is brought to a screeching halt when a young man bursts in waving a newspaper,shouting “Valentino’s dead! Valentino’s dead!” Elizabeth crumbles and tries jumping out a hotel window. Just as she pitches forward, James March catches her around the waist. He swears he will never let her go. Lost in her grief, Elizabeth marries March, but feels nothing for him. She is, however, intrigued by his nasty habits. She doesn’t disapprove, in fact our naughty girl wants to watch!

Elizabeth remains broken-hearted over Rudy. Natasha eventually disappeared, too. Elizabeth wears veiled black every day to place a rose at Valentino’s tomb, becoming a bit of an urban legend. On one visit to the tomb, Natasha makes a surprise appearance followed by Valentino. He is very much “alive”, so to speak; says he used his double to fake his death. Rudy feels terrible for abandoning Elizabeth. He tells her of his travels, and the man who seemed to be everywhere, watching him. When the two finally met, Rudy discovered the man was a director in Germany, which gave them something to talk about. He spoke of immortality with Rudy, and offered him eternal beauty and youth. He shared the dark gift with Rudy. Rudy shared the gift with Natasha and then they offered it to Elizabeth. She gave them tearful consent, ready to join her happy threesome for eternity. On the floor below, James March listened to their plans to leave by train as soon as possible.

Back in the present, James March is patiently waiting for Elizabeth to arrive for their scheduled once-a-month dinner date. Countess Elizabeth March informs James she plans to marry again, Will Drake this time. James states that his best efforts both in life and in death couldn’t win Elizabeth’s love. He wants to know what makes Will different from the many others. Before dropping the mike, he delights in telling her that her beloved Rudy and Natasha have been walled up in the Cortez for decades. They were in the hidden hallway all this time. Now they’re on the loose in the hotel. The Countess is shocked and hurt. Her eyes well with tears. She remembers how she waited for them at the train station for hours. Meanwhile,  Natasha and Rudy strut into the lobby and out into the night, fully restored.  

John and Wren make their way out of the psychiatric facility. John asks Wren to lead him to the killer. She tells John she likes him, but must say goodbye. She steps out into traffic where a truck frees her of the gift she never wanted. Looks like John is on his own, teetering on the edge of insanity.

American Horror Story:Hotel returns December 2 on FX at 10/9c

On this week’s American Horror Story: Hotel, Ramona and Donovan are the dynamic duo set to take down the Countess; Liz Taylor falls in love for the first time; and what’s the deal with room 33? Special contributor Tracey M. takes you inside the madness in this recap. – David F.

The year is 1926. The Countess is at the door of the Murder House from Season 1 seeking the help of an underground doctor who lives and works there. She says she’s three weeks along, but her belly says six months. The nurse notes her temperature of only 75 degrees.  She is put under anesthesia. When she awakes, the doctor hands her a bundle; it’s a boy.

Detective John Lowe is awakened by his giggling son, Holden. He chases the little tow-head down the hall, and down the stairs to the glass coffins. John finds Alex lying in one of them and loses consciousness.

This week’s props go to Denis O’Hare. He is beautiful and vulnerable as Liz Taylor and has breathed life into one of AHS’ most complex, compelling and memorable characters. Bravo, Denis!

Liz Taylor will henceforth be referred to as “she” because that’s the way she wants it. Liz is making love with Tristan, who is amazed at how incredible Liz makes him feel. She tells him it’s because he’s an orphan, and there’s a perverse thrill of having mommy and daddy in the room at the same time. Ewww, that’s a mood killer right there. The two snuggle and talk of their dreams. At his request, Liz gives Tristan books he might enjoy. He wants to learn more, to be more. They admit their love for each other, and bask in the afterglow. Liz thanks Tristan for loving her, and fully seeing and loving the woman she is, but is frightened of the Countess’ reaction when she eventually finds out.

The Countess is giving a bit of lip service to Will Drake, but his flag won’t fly. He says he can’t be aroused by a woman, so the Countess pages Tristan out of Liz’s arms. Liz begs Tristan not to say anything about their relationship. Tristan isn’t interested in any man-on-man action, but must do as he is told. He’s not looking too happy now.

Back at the front desk, Liz is all aglow in turquoise with sparkling earrings. Alex rushes over and asks Liz how John was allowed to see the sleeping chamber. She can’t risk any chance of losing Holden again. It would kill her. Wait, isn’t she dead already? Liz says she understands true love and feels that everyone should have at least one in their lifetime. Alex asks Liz for help. She has injected John with a sleeping agent for now, but she needs to cover her tracks. Liz agrees they should do something about the coffins. She takes a baseball bat and swings for the stars.

Now back in his room, Alex wakes John. He swears he just saw her in a coffin. Wasn’t me, says Alex. She tells John he called her and told her he’s been having visions of Holden. Alex suggests John get out of the hotel before he has a psychotic break. He swears he was awake and takes Alex downstairs to a now-empty room. Ok, now John thinks he might be cracking up.

The Countess floats down the hallway in a flowing gown. She almost looks like an angel and heads to room 33 and opens the door with an antique key. She approaches a black bassinet and takes out the tiny bundle inside. She coos that she has to leave for a bit to get some money, but promises to be home soon. The Countess was once fabulously wealthy. Taken advantage of by none other than Bernie Madoff (a very different kind of American Horror story), she is penniless and is hoping to lure Will Drake into her web and bleed him dry financially.

Ramona and Donovan enter the Cortez like a couple of thugs and brush past Iris. Ramona wants to kill the children of the Countess. Donovan begs off and heads to the room he used to share with the Countess. He enters her room and finds some panties to sniff. Ramona discovers the sleeping chamber is empty. Now ain’t that a bitch?! Iris arrives on the scene packing a pistol. They both have beef with the Countess, so why not join in. Ramona tells Iris to find the children—which the Countess treasures—and finish them off while she takes the one thing the Countess covets above all else. It’s in room 33; all Ramona needs is the key.

Ramona enters 33, calling out to “Bartholomew.” She searches the dark room by flashlight and finds her target, cornered under the dresser. Liz is on her way to 33 with a service tray and is alarmed to see the door ajar. Whatever was in room 33 is out, and Liz stresses to Ramona it must be found before the Countess returns. Ramona is holding an ice pack to the side of her face, I assume, courtesy of “Bartholomew”. She notices Liz‘ radiance. Liz tells Ramona she is in love, finally, for the first time in her life. A shocked Ramona warns Liz not to get caught with Tristan, suggesting that Liz be ready to run once the Countess finds out.

This week we see the return of our two Swedish tourists, Agnetha (Helena Mattson) and Vendela, (Kamilla Alnes) now stuck in the maze of the Cortez. They run into Donovan, who tells them how best to survive at the hotel. They lure an unsuspecting young man into a room for sex and a snack. Well, sex for him, a snack for them. Alex finds their door open and sees the young man’s body. The girls are upset at what they have done, and ask Alex if there’s any other way to exist. Alex teaches them that you can always break someone’s mind. John’s in particular.

Poor John heads back to the hotel after being chased from the scene of another possible Commandment murder by his partner. He sits in the hallway missing his family and drinking from the bottle. Agnetha and Vendela, seduce him, and while making love to him, begin to cut themselves, laughing and spurting blood all over him. John freaks out and runs naked down to the lobby. Liz shoos him back upstairs to “finish his breakdown.” As John continues to slip into insanity, he even gets a visit from James March, himself. Mr. March congratulates John on finally “checking in” to the hotel.

He leaves the Cortez, picking up a stranded and upset Scarlett from school; she hasn’t heard from her mother in more than two days. John tries to comfort her and plans to try talking to Alex. He sees a shadowy figure moving through the house, and draws his gun. He fires at phantoms, scaring the living daylights out of Scarlett.

Liz and the Countess are alone (you can just feel the tension). Liz decides she might as well ‘fess up. How could the Countess not understand falling in love? Poor Liz, wearing the rose-colored glasses of new love. She tells the Countess she couldn’t love Tristan the way she does. The Countess offers to let Liz have him once she’s done with him. Liz reminds her that her clock is ticking. She’s not immortal like the others, and wants to have love in her life before it’s too late! The Countess insists on talking to Tristan, too.

Tristan and Liz sit before the Countess. She slowly paces, talking about how she enjoys the taste of emotions. Love tastes like water, joy like strawberries, hate like ice chips in a martini. Betrayal has the taste of the char on burnt meat. Tristan is surprised and nervous that Liz has told the Countess about them. Tristan talks of how Liz makes him feel intelligent gives him books to read and makes him feel loved. He feels like just another toy for the Countess. She considers all that has been said and gives Tristan to Liz. Before the two have a chance to rejoice, she turns on her heel and slits Tristan’s throat. (Soooo cold!) Liz is destroyed watching her Tristan bleed out. Her love is dying, and she is broken.

Alex has found “Bartholomew” and brought him back to room 33. The Countess is grateful. She rocks her tiny bundle, and we finally see the horror that is his face. A pale, misshapen head, beady eyes and a mouth with a circle of crooked teeth. What fresh Hell is this?

American Horror Story airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on FX