Empire: 7 Ways to Conduct Business Like a Lyon
Lucious Lyon got pushed out of his CEO position thanks to a deciding vote from his son Hakeem. Boardroom drama is nothing new on Empire and last night’s episode “Death Will Have His Way” showcased plenty of career-management tips.
- Cultivate enemies. Hakeem spent the first half of Season 2, being bullied and humiliated by his father. Lucious made sure to let the world know that he thinks his son is a p-ssy. It was a smart technique to ensure that Hakeem got revenge at the first opportunity.
- Get creative with weaponry. Cookie lay in wait for her son so that she could beat him with a broom. All mothers know that household items serve a dual purpose; that’s why they wash your potty mouth out with soap.
- Ignore basic etiquette. Lucious Lyon wears his Guys and Dolls fedora inside. Hakeem walks on the boardroom table. That is especially helpful at breakfast meetings. A footprint on someone’s cream cheese always makes an impression…
- Exercise Second Amendment rights at all times. Lucious always carries a piece, which came in handy when he lured Hakeem to a sketchy neighborhood and brandished a gun to punctuate his death threat. The NRA gives Lucious Lyon side-eye.
- Make the ASPCA your enemy. A board member looking to supplant Lucious as CEO found her cat hanging. That’ll teach Sarah McLachlan not to make you cry so much over those animal cruelty commercials so much that you can’t stand “Arms of an Angel.”
- Be childish. Since Camilla won’t do what Cookie wants, she half-heartedly swept Camilla’s candy dish to the floor. Hard candy is for assholes.
- Wear tacky clothes. Cookie Lyon used to be the queen of eyesore fashion, but she’s got competition. Thirsty, Lucious’ lawyer, has a coat with a dramatic fur-lined collar that screams pimp and he sports garish purple suits. Svengali, Camilla, dressed Hakeem in a suit entirely covered with a funny pages print because nothing says success like a Beetle Bailey design.
To read my full Empire recap, head on over to The Root.
Empire airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on Fox.