Psst, Don’t Buy Empire’s Cookie Lyon a Rose

Yeah, I know. Nobody can be Empire’s Cookie, but this week, I tried a little performance art.

Why didn’t the script require him to take off his pants? It was a poor directorial decision. If you’re gonna get Taye Diggs to strip, be thorough.

I’ve been haunting Andre. I don’t give a flying fig about the white light, I intend for that man to suffer. Jacob Marley is an amateur.

Why does Lucious wear a hat indoors? Doesn’t he know better? He probably eats with his elbows on the table and sends e-mails in ALL CAPS. Lucious needs etiquette lessons.

The big show is going even bigger with a parade of stars, Chris Rock, Marisa Tomei, Mariah Carey and Andre Royo, who played Bubbles on The Wire are some of the stars who will enter the Lyons’ Den.

Aside from unfortunate twerking or whatever she was supposed to do to appeal to investor Mimi Whiteman and some off-screen sapphic action—which Mimi says was subpar—Miss Kitty got nothing to do. She finally has a story and was up to her old antics last night.