The Bachelorette: Season 11 — The Finale and After the Final Rose
It’s the most dramatic conclusion of the most shocking season of The Bachelorette. Special contributor Andrée H., editor-at-large Geri and I held a virtual Bachelorette party as we found out how Kaitlyn Bristowe ends her amazing journey with Shawn Booth and Nick Viall and if Chris Harrison will ever stop using hyperbole. Let’s go! — Elaine F.
Geri: So finally it’s going to be over.
Andrée: Just when it was starting to get good!
Elaine: Kaitlyn’s annoying fake laugh is matched by her sister’s theatrical gasp. Is she looking for a reality show, too?
Geri: Ah Kaitlyn, looks like even your mom doesn’t like Nick.
Elaine: Um, why is Kaitlyn telling her mom she can’t have an opinion about how Nick behaved on Andi’s season. She just said, “My family’s opinion is everything to me.”
Andrée: Because she knows her mom is right, I’m guessing.
Geri: Kind of hoping mom rips him apart.
Andrée: Pretty awesome mom, though, I love that Kaitlyn just right away ‘fessed up to having sex on the show and her Mom is like okay, going to talk to those boys about that. I’m guessing she’s the kind of mom you can talk to about anything — like my mom <3
Elaine: Aww, I met your mom, Andrée, she’s lovely. Kaitlyn’s mom is giving Nick major side-eye, this ought to be good.
Andrée: No way, isn’t her Mom Canadian like me? She’ll be nothing but sweet to his face.
Geri: Oops she held his feet to the fire and still he won her over – and dad, too?! Svengali Nick?
Elaine: It must be something that only translates in person. I am not seeing it on screen. Why does he always sound like he has a wad of cotton in his mouth? That’ll go well with Kaitlyn’s phony guffaws.
Andrée: The tears have started already. Poor Nick, Shawn is obviously going to take this and Nick is going to have his heart broken again. I know I didn’t watch last season, but I just don’t have Nick hate —I want him to win, too.
Geri: Oh good a commercial – The Muppets – Yay! It’s not a good sign when you are watching a show and you are looking forward to the commercials.
Elaine: Oooh, that show looks cute. Now Shawn is on the way and the mom is talking about how she worries Shawn will be too jealous? Please, mom. You’re just going to cave in five minutes. Your badass attitude was an act — like Kaitlyn’s fake laughs and the other daughter’s obvious ploys for camera time.
Andrée: I missed The Muppets, refilling my mimosa. Settling in for the good part. Any part with Shawn is a good part!
Geri: Oh, Shawn, that was a good story about taking a pic of the TV screen.
Elaine: Agreed that it was charming in a sort of potential stalker sort of way. It was still a charming, thought.
Andrée: Adorable. He’s adorable. Her family is in love, you can tell.
Geri: Yup, gotta agree, Shawn comes off as being a man vs. Nick being a boy.
Andrée: Absolutely Geri. In size, style, conversation, really the whole package.
Geri: I think Shawn spoke very well for himself with the folks — and classy to ask both parents for her hand.
Andrée: In all fairness, Nick did the same. Both coming across as classy, but I feel like Kaitlyn is such a little kid herself she needs a strong, grown-up man like Shawn to lead her around.
Geri: Ha! Now there’s a commercial for Shaun the Sheep.
Elaine: Would you please try to focus, Geri. I need your head in the game.
Geri: OMG how could Wife Swap get worse? Make it a Celebrity Bachelor edition. Elaine do not EVEN think about it.
Elaine: Oh, that looks dreadful. Shawn and Catherine? Wow, it’s so rare to see those two. I think they’re angling for a talk show.
Geri: I am enjoying the commercials – Jennifer Weiner has a new book and KFC chicken – haven’t had that in a while.
Elaine: Sigh. KFC isn’t as good as it used to be. They changed the formula.
Geri: A commercial for HBO NOW — wish I were watching that now.
Elaine: Keep it up and I’ll make you watch Girls, then you really will have something to complain about. Oooh, it’s Kristen Bell, she’s so cute. I wouldn’t mind one of those Samsung refrigerators. Damnit, now I’m doing it.
Geri: Oh, I hate toenail fungus commercials.
Elaine: Seriously? Still at it. Those toenail fungus commercials are disgusting. So is Girls, this is your second warning.
Andrée: What? Third mimosa? Oh my…
Geri: Oh, right, the show.
Elaine: Nick is looking kind of good in this one shot where he’s looking in the mirror. He still sounds like he has something in his mouth. I see Kaitlyn has opted to steal her sister’s jaw-dropping gasp.
Geri: Things are looking good for Nick tonight but how awkward is the Shawn date?
Andrée: I don’t understand the point of either of these dates. I’m guessing her decision has already been made; these dates are pretty boring. I don’t want to see Nick all excited anymore, it’s making my little heart break for him.
Elaine: This is a good time to fill up the wine goblet.
Geri: Oh, wait, the memory jar hits a home run.
Andrée: *Tears streaming down my face* so romantic
Geri: Oh I like this Windows 10 commercial with the little kids,
Elaine: They are adorable.
Geri: And a Quantico commercial – that looks like a good show.
Elaine: It’s definitely on my to-watch list.
Geri: You know, I wanted to be an FBI agent when I was a girl but then you couldn’t be one if you were a girl. Where were we?
Elaine: Not to get off track, but I love that they played “The Safety Dance” on the Dancing with the Stars commercial. It’s been a minute since I’ve heard Men Without Hats.
Geri: Oh, wait, Shawn, I am having inappropriate thoughts about that young body of yours.
Andrée: Shawn I want to play those abs like a xylophone. With my tongue.
Geri: Pretty dress on Kaitlyn – but again I do not understand why a woman who is afraid of birds has them tattooed on her arms.
Andrée: Remember Geri, she can’t see them. HAHAHA.
Elaine: That dress looks beautiful on Kaitlyn.
Andrée: That dress would look beautiful on me. So would Shawn.
Geri: Oh snap, Nick is first — poor guy — he is going down.
Elaine: I feel bad for him, too.
Geri: Oh Kaitlyn if you are sending him home don’t let him keep going.
Elaine: So now I’m a big Nick fan. I flip-flop more than Kaitlyn’s mom.
Andrée: *Bawling like a baby* Make it stop. Kaitlyn, have a heart. Noooooo don’t let him propose.
Elaine: I can’t stand this woman right now. Okay, the awkward proposal is over.
Andrée: Thank God.
Geri: Even I feel sorry for him now. He is right, Kaitlyn, shut up he doesn’t want to hear it. This one isn’t about you.
Elaine: This feels like a breakup. Shut up, Kaitlyn. Nick, you can do better. Come back next season, third time’s a charm.
Andrée: I really feel for Nick. How could you go as far as to say you love someone on this show. On this show? I think he needs to stay the hell away from this show, how many public embarrassments can one guy take. I can’t stop thinking about the meet-the-family episodes, and how over-protective and worried about him his family was, his poor mother was right.
Geri: Ah Shawn nicely done — but to paraphrase lines from Moonstruck “Do you love her, Shawn? Aw, ma, I love her awful. Oh, God, that’s too bad.”
Andrée: Beautifully worded. If it came down to which of the two gave the better proposal I think Shawn won that, too. I’m so happy for him that he gets the girl, but too bad the grand prize is Kaitlyn.
Elaine: Word! Okay, here we go: “After the Final Rose” time. Wait, I need to get up for more wine.
Andrée: I am not liking her new hairdo — short in the back long in the front, seems odd. I do like that dress though. Although when she sits, she slouches and it becomes not so awesome.
Geri: So, is Nick contractually obligated to go through this again? Seems cruel, especially to make him watch it again!
Elaine: And Chris Harrison sits there trying to look somber and sympathetic.
Andrée: I cannot believe they are going to make him watch it again. It was cruel enough the first time! I can’t watch.
Geri: Nick represented himself very well with Chris.
Andrée: I agree, nice to see you ladies coming around to my point of view on poor little Nicky.
Elaine: Yes, Andrée, you were right. I love Nick so hard right now. #TeamNick
Geri: And he’s holding his own with Shawn as well.
Elaine: True, you know the producers were just begging for a fistfight. I kind of wanted that, too….
Geri: Um Shawn, I like you, but I think that getting upset when you see your girl with another guy kind of defines the word “jealousy,” but you were right to call Nick out on the use of the word “intimate”.
Andrée: Yeah he has a jealous streak for sure, but I think one thing that’s for sure is we only saw what the show wanted us to see, and they wanted us to see a jealous Shawn.
Geri: Hug it out? Chris have you lost your mind?
Andrée: What was he thinking?
Elaine: Oh, Chris. I just can’t with you.
Geri: Ah the big moment — Kaitlyn “probably” you should have done it differently? He is TELLING you that you should have.
Andrée: If I were Kaitlyn I would have spent a week working on the apology speech to deliver to Nick. Weak.
Elaine: So much for “fun-loving” Kaitlyn. She’s got “resting bitch face” with the pursed lips and the total lack of interest as if Nick was in the wrong for not reading her mixed messages.
Andrée: Good for Shawn for standing up for his woman. I have to say for as much as I love him, they are a good match in that he possesses all of the things that she does not, and she will help him loosen up a bit.
Geri: I have to give the whole evening to Nick, much as I have maligned him, he was in the right in everything he said to Kaitlyn. When he told her that once she knew he wasn’t the one then those words he said weren’t meant for her, they were meant for someone else I really had to give him credit. He was spot on.
Andrée: I agree, Nick really came out on top. Shawn and Kaitlyn look adorable together, too, so I love that. What I don’t love is no Bachelor announcement? Is it just me or do we not usually get to find that out now? I was excited for Ben H 😛
Elaine: I was surprised, too. Can it be Nick? He got me at the sad limo ride home. Nick deserves to be in the position where he makes the choices. Whatever happens, at least he didn’t “win” Kaitlyn. Poor Shawn, it’s a booby prize.
Andrée: So what are your predictions on how long they will last? Three months? Six? He won’t last long once he’s on the market again, that’s one thing I can say without a shadow of a doubt 😀
Thanks for watching with me ladies. Despite all my snark about the show, it’s been so much fun watching The Bachelorette with you! I’m getting a little teary that it’s over, I’ll miss you. Of course, Bachelor in Paradise comes on Sunday. Who’s with me? I said, who’s with me? Ladies? Ladies? Where did you go? — E.F.