Empire’s Lucious — The Devil Made Him Do It

I just had an interesting chat on The Perri Small Show on WVON 1690 AM in Chicago. We were discussing Empire and a listener called in to theorize that Lucious Lyon is the devil. The caller could be on to something. Lucious did rush out of the church at Andre’s baptism. Perhaps he was afraid lightning would strike. Perri and I both think it was a The Devil’s Advocate moment. Let’s look at some of Lucious Lyon’s sins.

He’s greedy: His longtime pal Bunkie just wanted his fair share of the Empire money. He wasn’t asking for much, just enough so that he could upgrade from velour tracksuits. Money-grubbing Lucious shot him in cold blood.

He’s unappreciative: Cookie Lyon took the rap for Lucious and spent 17 years in prison while he used the money from their drug operation to become a music mogul. He didn’t visit her, didn’t give her any credit for Empire’s success and didn’t even put some money in her commissary account so she could afford a Kit-Kat bar or some shea butter. Nobody wants to be peckish and ashy.

He’s a terrible dad: Lucious pit his sons against each other in a competition to be the heir apparent. As we know from 500 flashbacks, heartless Lucious thrust his child in the trash because Jamal wanted to put on heels. Lucious rejected Andre because of Andre’s mood disorder. As for Hakeem, well, he let Hakeem turn into Hakeem. That just ain’t right.

He’s a hypocrite: Lucious ran off Hakeem’s girlfriend, Camilla because she was a gold-digger. Okay, he was right about that, but when it comes to using people for money, it’s a case of pot meet kettle. On top of it all, Naomi Campbell did not get a chance to throw a phone at somebody’s head before she was written out of the story. Rumor has it that she’ll be back, though.

He’s a malingerer: Lucious was misdiagnosed with ALS. Once he found out that he wasn’t dying, he kept it to himself so he could manipulate his family. What kind of person does that? One who channels the devil like Lucious Lyon, that’s who.

He’s sadistic: When Roxanne the prosecutor, or as I like to think of her — Boob Boob Kitty —came for him, Lucious greeted her in the nude. The audience did not deserve that. Keep your shirt on, Lucious. He also put Vernon’s decomposed corpse in the passenger seat of Roxanne’s car. That was cruel. Not as brutal as shirtless Lucious, but still…

He’s envious: That security expert was sweet on Lady Lyon, and she liked him so much she implored the man to “Take these Cookies!” When Lucious got wind of it, he banished the man. Cookie Lyon is his ex and can do whatever she wants with her Cookies.

You can listen to the smart and funny Perri Small from 9 a.m. to noon daily (via podcast if you’re not in Chicago). And you can sometimes hear me talk with her about TV.

You can read my weekly Empire guest recaps at The Root.

We like your smart and amusing comments, they don’t appear right away, but we promise we’ll get to them as soon as we find an exorcist for Lucious.

Empire airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on Fox.