5 Reasons The Room is The Bachelor
Oh, hai! Do you relish tales of romance, passion, and emotion as a man and a woman gaze into each other’s eyes knowing that they took this journey for the right reasons? Then consider this: Tommy Wiseau’s The Room is The Bachelor. You may think that The Room, a beloved 2003 cinematic celebration of incompetence and The Bachelor, a beloved decades-old celebration of hyperbole, fleeting fame and false hope are as different as chalk and cheese, but at their core they’re both about a man and his future wife.
1. Everyone is on a first-name basis: You know them as Ben & Lauren, Sean & Catherine, Jason & Molly, and so on. It’s not that the Bachelors don’t have surnames, it’s that they don’t need surnames. And so it is with The Room’s Johnny, Lisa, Mark, etc. In the event that two people have the same first name, they are distinguished with the addition on an initial. The Bachelor has Danielle L. and a Danielle M. The Room has Chris-R. Why is there a hyphen in his name? Maybe it’s to distinguish Chris-R from someone known as Chris R. It doesn’t matter! I mean, what kind of man would forget his future wife’s name? That just doesn’t happen. Usually.
2. They put a ring on it: Upon meeting the ladies, the Bachelor knows his “future wife” might be the room and has Neil Lane on speed-dial. The Bachelor isn’t looking for a girlfriend. The Bachelor is looking for a “future wife” from the get-go. The Room’s Johnny is one step ahead of the Bachelor as he’s already found his “future wife.” Johnny is engaged to Lisa, who is his “future wife.” Lisa is not Johnny’s fiancée, okay? Don’t call her that.
3. They say it with flowers: Is there any gesture more romantic than wooing your future wife with a woody perennial flowering plant of the genus Rosa, in the family Rosaceae, or the flower it bears? It symbolizes a love worth fighting for. Did the Houses of York and Lancaster fight the War of the Marsh Skullcap? No. The Bachelor proffers roses to any woman who might be his future wife. Johnny bestows Lisa with bouquets so often that he is beloved by his local florist.
3. They’re easily deceived: Often, the Bachelor is besotted with a Jezebel who is not there for the right reasons. Johnny’ s lady love Lisa is a faithless and manipulative she-devil, who is undeserving of being his future wife.
4. Life in a fishbowl: Voyeurs are obsessed the with the Bachelor’s most intimate moments. They long to see what happens in the fantasy suite. Johnny is no stranger to shameless looky-loos.
5. They know heartbreak: Sometimes all the roses in the world can’t keep a princess from rejecting them. She wasn’t your future wife.
The Bachelor airs on ABC Monday at 8/7c
