Editor-at-large Geri M. is watching this season of The Bachelorette, after swearing she was done with it. I may or may not have lured her back into the fold. It’s sort of like offering someone heroin. As retaliation, I receive irate emails and messages. Geri gives this show some severe side-eye. Here is her stream-of-consciousness recaplet of Episode 9.

Ben H. The Bachelorette
Photo courtesy of ABC

• Why are they still sullying the land of my parents’ birth? They have never stayed in one place this long before —move on— maybe some place like New Guinea? They probably could use the revenue.
•  I had forgotten why Joe was still there, but it was probably that he talked with his tongue in her mouth a lot. But really, she dumps him and then expects a hug?
•  “Oh Shawn, I really care about our relationship but um I had sex with your archenemy.” Poor Shawn, when she said the words “we had sex” the background music ACTUALLY came to a halt. Do guys cry in the Gents or just punch the fixtures?
• Jared you dodged a bullet — go home, shave, answer all that fan mail and have the Kaitlyn cooties cleaned off the jacket you so gallantly offered her.
• Wait, in the past, weren’t there only two fantasy suites, now it’s three? Oh, I forgot, she’s a (rhymes with “no,” a word it seems she seldom says). He true colors came out when she was aghast that Ben just wanted to talk all night. What did you expect him to say, “I can’t wait to bang you like Nick did?”
• Cork folk, by the way, are famous for their thick accents — interviews with people from Cork generally require subtitles.
• Nick is so feeble he can’t even properly throw Shawn under the bus. Man up, go for it. Did you notice how often he covers his mouth when he speaks? It’s a liar’s tell.
• SO disappointed in you Shawn — thought you would turn down that rose. Oh, wait, maybe you just want in on the action.
• Shawn, Shawn, Shawn — what do you gain from the Nick confrontation? Unless you are going to actually hit him, it is just painful to watch.
• Oh yeah — um Ben, run away. Well, first show her you aren’t a virgin, and then run away.

For the full Bachelorette recap, come back to read what special contributor Andrée H. thought of the show.

Elaine G. Flores, Chief Editor

Elaine is the chief editor of TV Recappers' Delight. She's an experienced entertainment reporter, reviewer, editor, blogger, columnist and Bon Vivant.