Quantico: “America” — Oct. 4, 2015

Quantico is the most glorious new show of the Fall season because Joshua Safran got a greenlight for a series about models unleashed on the FBI Academy. The creator bravely strolled into a meeting and proposed: “What if we did a Homeland meets Melrose Place show about the biggest terrorist attack since 9/11?” He was not escorted out of the room. I love this show so hard. Unlike its lead-in, Blood & Oil, Quantico commits to being a sudsy, improbable series. The actors and actresses appear to enjoy what they are doing, and it’s fun to watch. Where Blood & Oil is painfully predictable, Quantico gleefully embraces the OMG and OMFG factor. Let’s go!

1. Liam O’Connor asks his superior, head honcho Miranda Shaw, what we all want to know, he makes it sound dirty.  He says,”It’s a good time to ask what you’re doing with those twins.” Answer: Miranda isn’t telling Liam about whatever scheme is going on with Nimah and Raina Amin. She just wants them to remember they are supposed to act like the same person, such as deciding whether they should go with makeup. I swear to you that this was an issue. To lipstick or not to lipstick. Raina would like Simon Asher to stop lurking about, but Nima is fond of him. They are just friends since, as you know, Simon is gay.

2. Or is he? An attractive fellow swoons over Simon because his admittance to the academy is historic. Maybe. According to his official ABC character bio — and I reiterate that I am not making up stuff this time: “Simon Asher is a former accountant and Quantico’s first gay recruit. Or is he? A mystery, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a pair of hipster glasses.” If I ever meet the person who wrote that, I will buy a round of shots. Or will I? Elias Harper simultaneously hits on Simon and asks how he got into Gaza without a permit. Odd flirting technique, but okay.

3. Simon is guilty! He must have framed Alex Parrish for the terrorist attack. Elias is nosy and figures out that Simon’s glasses are not prescription. Fakers are terrorists, and Simon has perfect sight. Or does he?

4. The Twins are so guilty! Nimah (I think) rescues Simon from Elias so they can get “white coffee.” Nobody in the U.S. uses that phrase, so J’accuse! Mr. TV Recaps says Starbucks is trying to make white coffee a thing, so maybe J’ don’t accuse! I guess her parents might use that expression, so my accusation is off-base. Or is it? Well, Raina better not take her coffee black because Simon will get suspicious. Or will he?

5. Liam and Alex sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Okay, not really, but Miranda suspects Liam wants to think Alex is guilty of masterminding a terrorist attack because he has a thing for Alex and was rejected. Some guys will gripe about the “friend zone” on  Reddit. Other guys will accuse you of the biggest terror attack since 9/11. Or will they?

Quantico airs Sundays at 10/9c on ABC.

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