Okay, here we go two more episodes left. The binge is winding down. The previous episode was so stressful, I needed to take a break. Come to think of it, I should probably get an adult beverage before I watch this. Hold on. Okay, I’m back, armed with a glass of sparkling white. Let the stream-of-consciousness ramblings begin.

1. As far as Litchfield corrections officers go, this Bayley is a decent human being. Wimpy and nervous but decent. Caputo has made the groundbreaking decision to be at the facility two days in a row, so Bayley is telling him how Humps forced the prisoners to beat each other for his own twisted amusement.
2. I don’t know why Bayley is worthy of a backstory so soon though.
3. Please let Crazy Eyes be okay. Humps coerced her to fight and I’m concerned that regressing to brutality will set her back. She’s been so good since Vee hasn’t been around to egg her on to attack my beloved Poussey.
4. Just as I suspected, Crazy Eyes is catatonic. Thanks for that, Humps. Taystee and Poussey are comforting her. Poussey is a class act to forgive Crazy Eyes.
5. Humps is a uniter, not a divider. Even the trashy white supremacists want to work with the black girls about the explosive situation. I’m even starting to feel bad for the skinhead with the neck tattoo. Not really, but apparently one of the sicko COs (maybe Humps, maybe one of the other ones) locked her in a room and wouldn’t release her until she answered a hypothetical: forced to choose which parent would she eat, her mom or her dad. Good thing it wasn’t visiting day. Eh, she’s still a White Powerpuff girl, they probably raised her wrong, so it would be a victimless crime.
6. In vino veritas.
7. All the colors of Benetton have united to fight a common enemy: the fascists in control. Not so sure that they are going to be able to fight the power. Who is going to care what the inmates have to say? Caputo, I guess, but he’s been so impotent that I’m not counting on it.
8. Sophia!!!! OMG, Sophia is finally back from SHU. Good, this has been stressing me out since Episode 1. She’s bruised and battered but she’s back.
9. Alex thinks she should have confessed about killing the assassin (whom the prison staff thinks was a member of their “brotherhood” because he was wearing a unform). Poor crazy Lolly who was involved took the rap; she was going down anyway but still. I can understand the need for self-preservation but Princess Piper has another reason that Alex should keep quiet: She needs Alex there.
10. I will never find Piper adorable. I always liked Alex, but I think I’m over her for finding Piper adorable.
11. Wow, Caputo suspends one of these brutes, I think it’s Humps. Confession, I haven’t learned all the names of these COs. I hope they are all gone next season so it won’t matter. Piscatella strolls in and overrules Caputo. If Humps or whichever one of these monsters go, Piscatella will walk and take his foot soldiers with him. When Caputo says: “We’ll discuss this later,” he means to say: “I don’t have the cojones to do anything about this so I guess I’ll just slink off and do whatever it is I’m paid to do these days.”
12. The general consensus among the inmates is to cut off the head of the snake, that would be Piscatella.
13. Poussey is in such a positive place: she has a happy relationship with Soso, she’s making plans. When Poussey talks about her chance for a future career, her idol and fellow inmate celebrity chef Judy King says that Poussey can give her a call when she gets out. This is no good. I’m upset already. I have watched TV before.
    

    Poussey mattered on OITNB

14. Oh, hey, Gloria. Why don’t you give a warm welcome to Sophia and hope she forgets that if you hadn’t been beefing with her last season, the Latinas would not have jumped her and she would not have been taken to SHU for “protection” where she suffered and was forgotten about. Extend a lame offer to help with anything.
15. I guess Sophia didn’t forget. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking just ’cause I look weak, I am. Get the fuck out of my face.”
16. Give it up for Sophia Burset, ladies and gentlemen.
17. Tell me you don’t want to commit that line to memory and use it at the next opportunity.
18. Poussey is telling Soso that Judy King offered her a job. Girl, please shut that end-of-season optimism down. I stumbled across a possible spoiler and I need it to not be true.
19. Oh, look, it’s ice queen Natalie Figueroa aka Fig, the former Executive Assistant to the Warden. What’s Caputo doing there? Whining or looking for more hate-sex? Fig knows about the new plans to pack in more inmates because she has an ear to the ground, unlike Caputo. Maybe she can let him borrow her cojones.
20. So Piscatella’s new thing is inflicting sleep-deprivation on Red, who is one of the strongest women.
21. Uh-oh, Blanca Flores has had enough and she’s defiantly standing on the table for her Norma Rae moment. Is everyone going to do this? Should we start the slow clap? Yep.
22. The peaceful protest and ordering Piscatella to resign isn’t going to work ladies, but good for you. Cool scene. It might have been a triumphant feel-good moment in a 1970s movie, but the COs are just going to rush in with riot gear and tase them or something.
23. And here it comes, Poussey is trying to help Crazy Eyes and this isn’t looking good.
24. I think that upsetting possible spoiler is an actual spoiler.
25. One of these COs, Bayley “the nice one” just took down Poussey and suffocated her.
26. She wasn’t doing anything wrong.
    

    We’re right there with you, Taystee

27. I bet the OITNB writers think this is going to help change things by opening up a dialogue, but I think it’s going to have the same real-life impact as all the inmates standing on the table.
28. I have nothing left to say.

We welcome astute comments from OITNB fans. They don’t appear right away, but we’ll get to them when our eyes aren’t puffy.

Elaine G. Flores, Chief Editor

Elaine is the chief editor of TV Recappers' Delight. She's an experienced entertainment reporter, reviewer, editor, blogger, columnist and Bon Vivant.